"Never Lose hope in the Mercy of Allaah, verily Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
[Surah Az Zumar 39:53]
- We get very hard on ourselves sometimes. And while there is benefit in taking ourselves to account, the sunshine comes from never losing hope in Allaah's Mercy. Allaah's Mercy and forgiveness is able to encompass whatever you have done.
So knock on that door right now.
"It is part of the Mercy of Allaah that you deal gently with them. Were you severe or harsh-hearted, they would have went away from you: so pass over (their faults), and ask for (Allaah's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs (of the moment). Then, when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allaah, certainly, Allaah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
[Surah Ali Imran 3:159]
- It is not the snake bite that kills, it's the venom that flows through the blood. The antidote is forgiving people. Don't let anger rent space in your mind and heart. Forgive and pass over people's faults.
"Say: "Nothing will happen to us except what Allaah has decreed for us: He is our protector": and in Allaah must Believers place their trust."
[Surah At Taubah 9:51]
- Whatever tests you are going through today, Allaah knows it. He is your protector. Turn to Allaah in submission and worship, placing your trust in Him, and watch what happens!
"One day Allaah's Messenger (saw) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I placed my trust in Allaah." At that, the Prophet (salallaahu alayhi wasallam) said, "Tie your camel and place your trust in Allaah"
[Tirmidhi]
- Placing trust in Allaah means doing everything that is NECESSARY FOR SUCCESS! <--that's a big one. "Your Lord has not forsaken you; nor does he ever turn away from you. The life to come is far better for you than this present life; you will be delighted at what your Lord will give you. When you were an orphan, did he not enrich you?"
[Surah Adh Dhuha 93:3-6]
- In our daily struggles, focusing on the life to come and what we need to prepare for it today will bring the richness to our lives that we are all seeking.
For the next seven days, ask yourself throughout the day, "In the hereafter, will I regret how I spent my day today?"
"O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salaat (the prayer). Truly! Allaah is with As-Saabirun (the patient)."
[Surah Al Baqarah 2:153]
- Life has both ups and downs. If you are in a down turn, Allaah gives you two tools by which you can stay strong: being patient and focusing on your Salaat. The reward: Allaah will be with you!
"And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad salallaahu alayhi wasallam) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
[Surah Al Baqarah 2:186]
- Allaah promises to listen to us when we raise our hands in supplication. Too often when we are down or just can't get things done, we suffer in silence, and forget to turn to Allaah in supplication. Not today!
"Whosoever desires (by his deeds) the reward of the Hereafter, We give him increase in his reward, and whosoever desires the reward of this world (by his deeds), We give him thereof (what is decreed for him), and he has no portion in the Hereafter."
[Surah Ash Shura 42:20]
- When you ask people what their number one goal in life is, rarely do you hear the person immediately respond by saying "Pleasing Allaah, Jannat Al-Firdaus - the highest level of Jannah, and being with Rasulullaah (salallaahu alayhi wasallam), in the hereafter." But ... isn't that the correct answer? Let's make it a reality with how we live our lives!
"And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure for all things."
[Surah At Talaq 65:2-3]
- Do the right thing, Do what you know is pleasing to Allaah, and SUCCESS will be yours!
Cry out to Allaah and He will surely hear your call, If not the first time, maybe the second or even maybe at the tenth wallahu a'lam it is solely up to Allaah and His Divine Decree when all that your cry for is given or taken from you whether it is best for you, remember to persevere patiently, as indeed Allaah is with those whom are patient! Have full faith in Allaah and you won't be disappointed, for verily for promise of Allaah is true..
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Praiseworthy Trial
By Shaykh ‘Alee bin Hasan al-Halabee
Many Muslims mistakenly think that when trials, misfortunes, and calamities strike them, then it is a proof for their high level of Eemaan (faith), or due to their elevated status, or due to the correctness of their Manhaj (methodology). And this is not necessarily the case – as will not be hidden. Rather, these trials and calamities may be a form of punishment due to an error, or as a result of idle speech – and we seek Allaah’s refuge. However, what is required for the Muslim, in all his affairs, is to seek refuge in Allaah and to think good of Him – the Most Perfect – and to devote oneself in asking Him for forgiveness and for well-being, whilst at the same time accusing oneself and blaming ones own soul.
So the reason for trials and misfortunes may sometimes stem from deficiencies in outlook, deviations in Manhaj or being distanced from that which is correct. And all of this – in their fruits – are counted as being from the sins and acts of disobedience – whose evil consequences are not known, except by the Lord of the worlds.
Results of Sin
Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (d.756H) – rahimahullah – said: “So from that which one must know, is that sins and acts of disobedience cause harm. And their harmful effects upon the heart is certainly like the harmful effects of poison upon the body – although the effects vary in levels of intensities. And is there in this world or the Hereafter any evil or harm except that it is due to sins and acts of disobedience?
So what was it that took the two parents out of Paradise – the home of delight, bliss, splendour and joy – to the home of pain, sorrow and misfortune?
And what was it that removed Iblees from the realms of the Heavens, causing him to be rejected and cursed; and transforming him inwardly and outwardly – so that his form became ugly and hideous – and his inward form is more hideous than his outward form; causing nearness to be changed to farness; mercy changed to being cursed; from being beautiful to being ugly; from being in Paradise to being in the Fire; from Eemaan to kufr (disbelief); from having the friendship and patronage of the praiseworthy guardian to being the greatest enemy and opponent; from glorifying Allaah and praising Him to doing acts of kufr, shirk, lies and deceptive speech; and from being adorned with Eemaan to being clothed with the garment of kufr, wickedness and disobedience, causing him to reach the deepest depths of despicability, and falling in the sight of Allaah – the Most High – to be upon him; making him an outcast – despised and humiliated – such that he became a leader for every sinner and criminal and becoming pleased with leadership for himself – all this happening after having reached the station of nobility and worship?! So, O Allaah, we seek refuge in You from opposing Your commands and falling into that which You have forbidden.
And what was it that caused all the people of the earth to drown, to the point that the water even rose over the mountain tops?
And what was it that caused the violent winds to overcome the people of ‘Aad, such that it flung them down dead upon the face of the earth, as if they were lopped-off palm trunks, and it destroyed whatever of their dwellings and crops it came across – thus making them an example for the nations until the Day of Resurrection?
And what was it that caused the clamorous shout to be set loose upon Thamood, such that their hearts were severed within their bodies and all of them died?
And what was it that caused the town of the homosexuals to be raised-up and turned upside down, such that they were all destroyed, and then stones from the sky pelted down upon them after that, so they suffered a combined punishment – the like of which was not given to any other nation? And for their brothers will be its like, and it is not far from the transgressors.
And what was it that caused the clouds of punishment to overcome the people of Shu’ayb, such that when these clouds were above their heads it rained scorching fire upon them?
And what was it that caused Fir’awn and his people to be drowned in the ocean; and caused their souls to be transported to Jahannum, so their bodies were drowned and their souls burned?
And what was it that caused the sinking down into the earth of Qaaroon, and also of his dwelling, wealth and family?
And what was it that caused the destruction of those generations after Nooh, and how they were afflicted with various punishments that caused their annihilation?
And what was it that caused the destruction of the companion of Yaa Seen, with the clamorous shout, which destroyed them?
And what was it that caused there to be sent against the Children of Israa’eel enemies of great strength and might, who plundered their homes, killed their men, enslaved their women, burnt their dwellings, seized their wealth and then returned again a second time – destroying what was rebuilt after the first onslaught?
And what was it that caused the various types of punishments to be set loose upon the Children of Israa’eel – killing them, enslaving them, destroying their land, sometimes causing them to be oppressed by kings, and at another time causing them to be transformed into apes and swines. And finally the Lord took an oath that:
“He would certainly keep on sending against them (the Children of Israa’eel), until the Day of Resurrection, those who will inflict them with a humiliating torment,”
[Surah Al A’raaf 7:167]” [Ad-Daa’wad-Dawaa’(p.44) of Ibn al-Qayyim]
I say: Indeed the cause of all this is deviation from the Sharee’ah (the Prescribed Law) of Allaah, acting in opposition to the Deen of Allaah, and deviating from the guidance of the Messenger of Allaah (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Indeed, it is authentically related from the Messenger of Allaah, (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), that he said:
“When acts of disobedience become manifest in my Ummah, Allaah will cover them all with humiliation from Himself.” Umm Salamah said: Will there be no righteous people amongst them on that day? He said: “Yes, indeed!” She said: I said: Then what will be done with them? He said: “They will be afflicted with that which afflicts the people, then they will move on to forgiveness from Allaah and His good pleasure.”
[Ahmad (6/304) Majma’az Zawaa’id (7/268)]
So the whole matter, from start to finish, is just as Allaah – the Majestic – said: “And whatever of misfortunes and calamities befall you, it is because of what your hands have earned.”
[Surah Ash Shuraa 42:30]
Therefore, the righteous servant, when struck by a misfortune and calamity, is faced either with
[i] a praiseworthy trial – which will elevate him and his status in the sight of Allaah, or
[ii] a blameworthy trial – a form of punishment for him and a just reward for his evil actions.
Trials and Tribulations
The like of this was indicated by Imaam adh-Dhahabee (d.748H) in Siyar A’laamun-Nubalaa (8/72-73) when speaking about the trial of Imaam Maalik (d.197H), what he suffered in it and how he was severely lashed: “and his arm was wrenched until it became dislocated from its socket; and a great sin had been perpetrated against him. And it was said: By Allaah! Maalik never ceased to be held in high esteem.”
Imaam adh-Dhahabee commented upon this, saying: “I say: This is the result of a praiseworthy trial, and it elevates the status of the servant. And whatever the case, then it is what our own hands have earned, and Allaah pardons a very great deal.
“Whosoever Allaah intends to do good to, He brings misfortune and calamity upon him.”
[al-Bukhaaree (no.5645)]
The Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said:
“Everything decreed for the Believer is good for him.”
[Muslim (no.2999]
And Allaah – the Most High – said:
“And We shall test you until We know those of you who strive hard in the path of Allaah and those of you who patiently persevere.”
[Surah Muhammad 47:31]
And He revealed, with regards to the battle of Uhud:
“When a single disaster struck you, whereas you struck them with a disaster twice as great, do you then ask: From where did this come? Say: It is from your own selves.”
[Surah Ali-‘Imraan 3:165]
And Allaah says:
“And whatever misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your own hands have earned. And Allaah pardons and forgives much.”
[Surah Ash Shuraa 42:30]
So the Believer – when he is tried – patiently perseveres, takes admonition, seeks Allaah’s forgiveness and does not preoccupy himself with blaming the one who has ill-treated him, since Allaah is just in His judgement. So he praises Allaah that his Deen has remained secure, knowing that the punishment suffered in this world is lighter and better for him.” [Siyar A’laamun-Nubalaa (8/73)]
Therefore, the Believer should not be hasty in rejoicing and becoming elated, merely because they are being made to suffer a misfortune or trial. Since this trial may be a punishment for some evil, or for some harm caused, and therefore it is not from the praiseworthy trial – about whom the Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“The righteous may receive harsh treatment…”
[Ahmad (6/159), Ibn Hibbaan (no.2919) and also al-Haakim (4/319)]
Indeed, the Believer hopes for the mercy of Allaah, corrects his actions and seeks to steer his soul towards right guidance. And perhaps he will be one of those about whom the Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“The people who receive the severest trials are the Prophets, then those most like them, then those most like them.”
[at-Tirmidhee (no.2398), Ahmad (1/185) and Ibn Maajah (no.4023]
And only Allaah guides to the path that is Straight.
Many Muslims mistakenly think that when trials, misfortunes, and calamities strike them, then it is a proof for their high level of Eemaan (faith), or due to their elevated status, or due to the correctness of their Manhaj (methodology). And this is not necessarily the case – as will not be hidden. Rather, these trials and calamities may be a form of punishment due to an error, or as a result of idle speech – and we seek Allaah’s refuge. However, what is required for the Muslim, in all his affairs, is to seek refuge in Allaah and to think good of Him – the Most Perfect – and to devote oneself in asking Him for forgiveness and for well-being, whilst at the same time accusing oneself and blaming ones own soul.
So the reason for trials and misfortunes may sometimes stem from deficiencies in outlook, deviations in Manhaj or being distanced from that which is correct. And all of this – in their fruits – are counted as being from the sins and acts of disobedience – whose evil consequences are not known, except by the Lord of the worlds.
Results of Sin
Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (d.756H) – rahimahullah – said: “So from that which one must know, is that sins and acts of disobedience cause harm. And their harmful effects upon the heart is certainly like the harmful effects of poison upon the body – although the effects vary in levels of intensities. And is there in this world or the Hereafter any evil or harm except that it is due to sins and acts of disobedience?
So what was it that took the two parents out of Paradise – the home of delight, bliss, splendour and joy – to the home of pain, sorrow and misfortune?
And what was it that removed Iblees from the realms of the Heavens, causing him to be rejected and cursed; and transforming him inwardly and outwardly – so that his form became ugly and hideous – and his inward form is more hideous than his outward form; causing nearness to be changed to farness; mercy changed to being cursed; from being beautiful to being ugly; from being in Paradise to being in the Fire; from Eemaan to kufr (disbelief); from having the friendship and patronage of the praiseworthy guardian to being the greatest enemy and opponent; from glorifying Allaah and praising Him to doing acts of kufr, shirk, lies and deceptive speech; and from being adorned with Eemaan to being clothed with the garment of kufr, wickedness and disobedience, causing him to reach the deepest depths of despicability, and falling in the sight of Allaah – the Most High – to be upon him; making him an outcast – despised and humiliated – such that he became a leader for every sinner and criminal and becoming pleased with leadership for himself – all this happening after having reached the station of nobility and worship?! So, O Allaah, we seek refuge in You from opposing Your commands and falling into that which You have forbidden.
And what was it that caused all the people of the earth to drown, to the point that the water even rose over the mountain tops?
And what was it that caused the violent winds to overcome the people of ‘Aad, such that it flung them down dead upon the face of the earth, as if they were lopped-off palm trunks, and it destroyed whatever of their dwellings and crops it came across – thus making them an example for the nations until the Day of Resurrection?
And what was it that caused the clamorous shout to be set loose upon Thamood, such that their hearts were severed within their bodies and all of them died?
And what was it that caused the town of the homosexuals to be raised-up and turned upside down, such that they were all destroyed, and then stones from the sky pelted down upon them after that, so they suffered a combined punishment – the like of which was not given to any other nation? And for their brothers will be its like, and it is not far from the transgressors.
And what was it that caused the clouds of punishment to overcome the people of Shu’ayb, such that when these clouds were above their heads it rained scorching fire upon them?
And what was it that caused Fir’awn and his people to be drowned in the ocean; and caused their souls to be transported to Jahannum, so their bodies were drowned and their souls burned?
And what was it that caused the sinking down into the earth of Qaaroon, and also of his dwelling, wealth and family?
And what was it that caused the destruction of those generations after Nooh, and how they were afflicted with various punishments that caused their annihilation?
And what was it that caused the destruction of the companion of Yaa Seen, with the clamorous shout, which destroyed them?
And what was it that caused there to be sent against the Children of Israa’eel enemies of great strength and might, who plundered their homes, killed their men, enslaved their women, burnt their dwellings, seized their wealth and then returned again a second time – destroying what was rebuilt after the first onslaught?
And what was it that caused the various types of punishments to be set loose upon the Children of Israa’eel – killing them, enslaving them, destroying their land, sometimes causing them to be oppressed by kings, and at another time causing them to be transformed into apes and swines. And finally the Lord took an oath that:
“He would certainly keep on sending against them (the Children of Israa’eel), until the Day of Resurrection, those who will inflict them with a humiliating torment,”
[Surah Al A’raaf 7:167]” [Ad-Daa’wad-Dawaa’(p.44) of Ibn al-Qayyim]
I say: Indeed the cause of all this is deviation from the Sharee’ah (the Prescribed Law) of Allaah, acting in opposition to the Deen of Allaah, and deviating from the guidance of the Messenger of Allaah (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Indeed, it is authentically related from the Messenger of Allaah, (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), that he said:
“When acts of disobedience become manifest in my Ummah, Allaah will cover them all with humiliation from Himself.” Umm Salamah said: Will there be no righteous people amongst them on that day? He said: “Yes, indeed!” She said: I said: Then what will be done with them? He said: “They will be afflicted with that which afflicts the people, then they will move on to forgiveness from Allaah and His good pleasure.”
[Ahmad (6/304) Majma’az Zawaa’id (7/268)]
So the whole matter, from start to finish, is just as Allaah – the Majestic – said: “And whatever of misfortunes and calamities befall you, it is because of what your hands have earned.”
[Surah Ash Shuraa 42:30]
Therefore, the righteous servant, when struck by a misfortune and calamity, is faced either with
[i] a praiseworthy trial – which will elevate him and his status in the sight of Allaah, or
[ii] a blameworthy trial – a form of punishment for him and a just reward for his evil actions.
Trials and Tribulations
The like of this was indicated by Imaam adh-Dhahabee (d.748H) in Siyar A’laamun-Nubalaa (8/72-73) when speaking about the trial of Imaam Maalik (d.197H), what he suffered in it and how he was severely lashed: “and his arm was wrenched until it became dislocated from its socket; and a great sin had been perpetrated against him. And it was said: By Allaah! Maalik never ceased to be held in high esteem.”
Imaam adh-Dhahabee commented upon this, saying: “I say: This is the result of a praiseworthy trial, and it elevates the status of the servant. And whatever the case, then it is what our own hands have earned, and Allaah pardons a very great deal.
“Whosoever Allaah intends to do good to, He brings misfortune and calamity upon him.”
[al-Bukhaaree (no.5645)]
The Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said:
“Everything decreed for the Believer is good for him.”
[Muslim (no.2999]
And Allaah – the Most High – said:
“And We shall test you until We know those of you who strive hard in the path of Allaah and those of you who patiently persevere.”
[Surah Muhammad 47:31]
And He revealed, with regards to the battle of Uhud:
“When a single disaster struck you, whereas you struck them with a disaster twice as great, do you then ask: From where did this come? Say: It is from your own selves.”
[Surah Ali-‘Imraan 3:165]
And Allaah says:
“And whatever misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your own hands have earned. And Allaah pardons and forgives much.”
[Surah Ash Shuraa 42:30]
So the Believer – when he is tried – patiently perseveres, takes admonition, seeks Allaah’s forgiveness and does not preoccupy himself with blaming the one who has ill-treated him, since Allaah is just in His judgement. So he praises Allaah that his Deen has remained secure, knowing that the punishment suffered in this world is lighter and better for him.” [Siyar A’laamun-Nubalaa (8/73)]
Therefore, the Believer should not be hasty in rejoicing and becoming elated, merely because they are being made to suffer a misfortune or trial. Since this trial may be a punishment for some evil, or for some harm caused, and therefore it is not from the praiseworthy trial – about whom the Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“The righteous may receive harsh treatment…”
[Ahmad (6/159), Ibn Hibbaan (no.2919) and also al-Haakim (4/319)]
Indeed, the Believer hopes for the mercy of Allaah, corrects his actions and seeks to steer his soul towards right guidance. And perhaps he will be one of those about whom the Prophet (sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“The people who receive the severest trials are the Prophets, then those most like them, then those most like them.”
[at-Tirmidhee (no.2398), Ahmad (1/185) and Ibn Maajah (no.4023]
And only Allaah guides to the path that is Straight.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Wisdom Behind Afflictions
Ibn ul-Qayyim’s views on afflictions.
Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah covers some very important and comprehensive principles regarding afflictions, as well as various aspects of wisdom associated with them. His discussion is presented in this article.
LESS AFFLICTIONS FOR THE BELIEVERS
The evils, hardships, and harms afflicting the believers are less than those afflicting the disbelievers. Also, the afflictions of the righteous in this life are far less than that of the sinful, the corrupt, and the wrongdoers.
THE BELIEVERS’ HIGH EXPECTATIONS
The believers’ affliction is accompanied by acceptance (of Allaah’s decree) and expectation (of His rewards and forgiveness). Even if they are unable to achieve that acceptance, the believers still exhibit patience and expectation (of Allaah’s rewards). Their perception of the beneficent outcome of the affliction reduces its burden and makes it easier for them to withstand its hardships. As for the disbelievers, they know no acceptance or expectation, and any patience that they display is similar to that of animals. Allaah points to this by saying (what means):
“Do not falter in pursuing the (opposition) folk. If you should be suffering, so are they suffering like you do, but you expect from Allaah that which they do not.”
(Surah An Nisaa:104)
Thus they both share in the suffering; but the believers excel in that they hope that Allaah will reward them and elevate their ranks (in Jannah).
REDUCING THE BELIEVERS’ SUFFERING
When a believer – with submission to Allaah – receives the suffering resulting from afflictions, it is reduced for him in accordance with his level of obedience sincerity, and truth of faith. Thus, the amount of suffering lifted from him is such that others (of lesser faith) would not even be able to bear a small fraction of it.
This is how Allaah wards off harm from His believing servant: He protects him from a great deal of affliction; and if some of it is inevitable, He reduces its burden, effect, harm, and outcome.
A SIGN OF LOVE
As the love of Allaah becomes more firmly established in the heart, the lovers’ affliction for the sake of the beloved One becomes more pleasurable and less objectionable.
Many lovers have declared their pleasure with the affliction coming from their beloved ones, as one poet said: “Even though your abuse troubles me, My occurring in your thoughts pleases me!”
How, then, about the love of the Supreme beloved One? His affliction toward His beloved ones is surely a mercy and favour from Him to them.
BETWEEN FAKE AND TRUE HONOUR
The level of victory and honour occurring to the disbelievers, wrongdoers, and hypocrites is far less than that occurring to the believers. Furthermore, their honour is truly humility and disgrace, even if it appears differently.
PURIFICATION THROUGH AFFLICTION
For a believer, afflictions are like medicine, they remove from him diseases that, were they to remain, would destroy him or decrease his level of eemaan. The afflictions and tests extract such diseases and prepare him for receiving full rewards and a high position (in Jannah).
The occurrence of these afflictions is better than their absence, as Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) said:
“By Him in Whose hand is my soul, Allaah does not ordain a decree for a believer but it is for his good; and this merit is for no one except a believer. If he is granted ease of living, he is thankful; and this best for him. And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he perseveres; and this is best for him.”
Therefore, affliction and testing are required for the believer to achieve victory, honour, and well-being. Because of this, the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) said:
“Those most afflicted among the people are the prophets, then the most righteous, then the next most righteous. One is afflicted in accordance with his deed. If his Deen is firm, his affliction is made harder, and if his Deen is weak, his affliction is made lighter. A believer continues to be subjected to adversity until he walks on the surface of the earth without a sin.”
REQUISITES OF THIS LIFE
There are things that afflict the believers in this world; such as being oppressed, defeated, and harmed by their enemies. These occurrences are essential and inevitable aspects of this world, and are similar to extremely hot and cold weather, sickness, worries, and grief. They are essential to human life and nature, and are applicable even to children and animals, as decreed by the wisdom of the Most-Wise.
There is a great wisdom behind mixing good with evil, pleasure with pain, and benefit with harm. Had this world been devoid of such mixing, it would be a totally different world, and that wisdom would have been lost.
Refining the good from the bad will occur in a world other than this world, and a life other than this life, as Allaah said (what means):
"So that Allaah may distinguish the wicked from the good, and place the wicked one on another, heap them together, and cast them into Hell. It is those who are the losers!"
(Surah Al Anfaal 8:37)
WISDOM IN AFFLICTIONS
There is a great wisdom, not possible to encompass to the fullest by other than Allaah, in afflicting the believers and letting their enemies sometimes defeat, oppress, or subdue them. Some of this wisdom is explained in the following;
a) Weakness brings submission, strength brings obedience: Affliction instigates in the believers full humility and submission to Allaah, makes them realise their need and dependence on Him, causes them to ask Him for victory against their enemies. Had they always been victorious and triumphant, they would become arrogant and insolent. Contrarily, had they always been subdued and oppressed by their enemies, it would not be possible for them to establish the Deen and secure the truth. Therefore, the wisdom of the Most-Wise has mandated alternating them between being victors sometimes and sometimes losers. When they lose, they implore, turn with sincerity, submit, and repent to their Lord. And when they win, they establish his Deen and its rites, command good, forbid evil, strive against His enemies, and support His allies.
b) Distinguishing the truthful from the liars: Had the believers always been victorious and triumphant, they would be followed by those whose purpose is not to establish the deen and obey Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) but only to be with those who are in positions of honour and victory. On the other hand, had they always been losers and defeated, no one would follow them. Therefore, Divine wisdom has mandated that they be winners sometimes and losers others, thereby distinguishing those who strive to obey Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) from those whose only goal is worldly possessions and positions.
c) Servitude in all situations: Allaah loves for His servants to perfect their servitude to Him in situations of both ease and hardship, well-being and affliction, victory and defeat. In each of the two situations, Allaah requires from His servants a form of servitude consistent with that situation, and not possible to fulfill without it. The heart cannot be well without these opposite situations, like the body which cannot be well without being subjected to heat and cold, hunger and thirst, toil and strife, and their opposites. Those trials and afflictions are required for attaining human perfection and well-being, as it is not possible to reach a goal without the necessary means.
d) Rectification through affliction: Allowing the believers enemies to overcome them is a test that cleanses, purifies, and rectifies them. Allaah indicates the wisdom behind allowing this to happen in the battle of Uhud by saying (what means)
"Do not falter nor grieve, since you are superior (to your enemy) if you are (true) believers. If a sore should afflict you, similar sores have afflicted the (opposing) folk. We alternate such days (of victory) among the people, so that Allaah may know those who believe, and may accept martyrs from among you – Allaah does not love the wrongdoers – and so that Allaah may purge the believers and wipe out the disbelievers. Or did you think that you would enter Jannah before Allaah knows those among you who strive (in His way) and those who are steadfast?"
(Surah Ali Imran 3: 139-142)
Here Allaah mentions the wisdom for which he allowed the disbelievers to win that battle.
First, Allaah encourages and reassures the believers, and gives them the tidings that they are superior to their enemy by virtue of their belief. He also consoles them in that, even though they have been afflicted with sores because of their obedience to Allaah and His Messenger, their enemy had previously been afflicted with sores because of its disobedience to Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam).
Allaah then indicates that, out of His wisdom, He makes the days (of victory) alternate among the people so that, similar to sustenance and life-spans, each group will earn its appointed share.
Allaah then informs them that He does that in order to know the believers among them. Of course, He is All-Knowing of everything, before and after its occurrence. But He wanted to manifest their belief in actual existence.
Allaah then mentions that He loves to take martyrs from among them. Martyrdom is an elevated and exalted position that can only be attained through dying for His cause. Without the enemy's victory, it is not possible for the believers to attain this rank of martyrdom so beloved to Allaah and beneficent to them.
Allaah then indicates that He wants to purge the believers: He wants to purify them from their sins through their repenting to Him and seeking His forgiveness for the sins that made their enemy's victory possible. Furthermore, He indicates that He wants to wipe out the disbelievers because of their oppression, persecution, and tyranny.
Allaah then disapproves of the believers presumption to enter Jannah without striving and patience, as His wisdom requires. Were they to be always victorious, no one would fight them, and it would not be possible to test their patience in the face of their enemy's harm.
THE CREATIONS PURPOSE IS TO TEST THE PEOPLE
Allaah has created the heavens and the earth, and death and life, and has adorned the earth with all the things that are on it, for one purpose: to test His servants and distinguish between those who seek Him and His rewards and those who seek the worldly life and its pleasures. Allaah says (what means):
"He is the One Who created the heavens and the earth in six days – and His throne was over water – so He may test you as to which of you is better in deeds."
(Surah Huud 11:7)
"Surely We have made whatever is on the earth an adornment for it, so We may test them as to which one is better in deeds."
(Surah Al Kahfi 18:7)
When a messenger is sent to the people, they have two options; believe, or deny and persist on committing disbelief and sins. And it is essential to test both types.
As for the one who says, I believe, Allaah must test and afflict him to make it clear whether he is truthful or lying in what he says. If he were lying, he would turn around and run away from the test as he would also run away from Allaah's punishment. And if he were truthful, the test would merely increase his eemaan, as Allaah says (what means):
"And when the believers saw the Confederates (advancing against them), they said, ?This is what Allaah and His Messenger had promised us! Allaah and His Messenger have told the truth! And all this merely increased them in faith and submission (to Allaah)."
(Surah Al Ahzaab 33:22)
And as for a disbeliever, he will be tried and afflicted with Allaah's punishment in the hereafter. In addition, he will suffer from the pain, disasters, and punishment that Allaah ordained in this life for those who disobey His Messengers.
No one can escape from trials in this life, in al-Barzakh (the intermediate stage for human beings between the moment of death and the time resurrection), or on the Day of Resurrection. A believers trials and affliction are light and temporal; because of his faith, Allaah protects him, lightens his load, and grants him the patience, firmness, and submission to ease his affliction. On the other hand, the trials and affliction are hard and prolonged for a disbeliever, hypocrite, or corrupt person.
Suffering and trials are, therefore, necessary for everyone – believer or disbeliever. A believer initially suffers in the first life, and is then granted the success of the first and last lives. A disbeliever, a hypocrite, or a wrongdoer initially enjoys the pleasure, but then ends up in pain and suffering. This is further explained in the next point.
AFFLICTIONS ARE A BY-PRODUCT OF SOCIALISATION
By nature, a human being is social: he must mix with other people. And since the other people have their own tendencies, attitudes and beliefs, they expect him to conform to that. If he does not, they would harm and punish him, and if he does, he would be harmed and punished in a different way. Thus, it is necessary to mix with people; which leads to agreeing with them in some matters and disagreeing in others. Agreeing with the evil of their desires, beliefs, and tendencies, results in pain and suffering, and disagreeing with that results in pain and suffering as well. There is no doubt, though, that the pain resulting from disagreeing with their wrong is lighter and easier than that resulting from obeying them.
As an example, you would find those who expect from a person to agree to their injustice, sinning, or false witness, or to help them in committing a prohibited act. If he does not agree, they would harm, oppress, and persecute him; but the final success will be his if he maintains patience and piety. On the other hand, conforming with them to evade their persecution would result in a greater pain; and most often they would eventually turn against him and inflict on him an amount of pain much larger than he had tried to evade.
Understanding this and acting upon by it is one of the most useful matters for a person: a little pain followed by a great and permanent pleasure is more endurable that a slight pleasure followed by a great permanent pain. Indeed, facilitation is in Allaah's hand.
THE FOUR TYPES OF AFFLICTIONS
Affliction that occurs to a person can only be with respect to one of four things:
- his self
- wealth
- honour
- family and beloved ones.
The affliction in regard to his self can be through harming or totally destroying it, and this is the most severe forms of affliction.
Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah covers some very important and comprehensive principles regarding afflictions, as well as various aspects of wisdom associated with them. His discussion is presented in this article.
LESS AFFLICTIONS FOR THE BELIEVERS
The evils, hardships, and harms afflicting the believers are less than those afflicting the disbelievers. Also, the afflictions of the righteous in this life are far less than that of the sinful, the corrupt, and the wrongdoers.
THE BELIEVERS’ HIGH EXPECTATIONS
The believers’ affliction is accompanied by acceptance (of Allaah’s decree) and expectation (of His rewards and forgiveness). Even if they are unable to achieve that acceptance, the believers still exhibit patience and expectation (of Allaah’s rewards). Their perception of the beneficent outcome of the affliction reduces its burden and makes it easier for them to withstand its hardships. As for the disbelievers, they know no acceptance or expectation, and any patience that they display is similar to that of animals. Allaah points to this by saying (what means):
“Do not falter in pursuing the (opposition) folk. If you should be suffering, so are they suffering like you do, but you expect from Allaah that which they do not.”
(Surah An Nisaa:104)
Thus they both share in the suffering; but the believers excel in that they hope that Allaah will reward them and elevate their ranks (in Jannah).
REDUCING THE BELIEVERS’ SUFFERING
When a believer – with submission to Allaah – receives the suffering resulting from afflictions, it is reduced for him in accordance with his level of obedience sincerity, and truth of faith. Thus, the amount of suffering lifted from him is such that others (of lesser faith) would not even be able to bear a small fraction of it.
This is how Allaah wards off harm from His believing servant: He protects him from a great deal of affliction; and if some of it is inevitable, He reduces its burden, effect, harm, and outcome.
A SIGN OF LOVE
As the love of Allaah becomes more firmly established in the heart, the lovers’ affliction for the sake of the beloved One becomes more pleasurable and less objectionable.
Many lovers have declared their pleasure with the affliction coming from their beloved ones, as one poet said: “Even though your abuse troubles me, My occurring in your thoughts pleases me!”
How, then, about the love of the Supreme beloved One? His affliction toward His beloved ones is surely a mercy and favour from Him to them.
BETWEEN FAKE AND TRUE HONOUR
The level of victory and honour occurring to the disbelievers, wrongdoers, and hypocrites is far less than that occurring to the believers. Furthermore, their honour is truly humility and disgrace, even if it appears differently.
PURIFICATION THROUGH AFFLICTION
For a believer, afflictions are like medicine, they remove from him diseases that, were they to remain, would destroy him or decrease his level of eemaan. The afflictions and tests extract such diseases and prepare him for receiving full rewards and a high position (in Jannah).
The occurrence of these afflictions is better than their absence, as Allaah’s Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) said:
“By Him in Whose hand is my soul, Allaah does not ordain a decree for a believer but it is for his good; and this merit is for no one except a believer. If he is granted ease of living, he is thankful; and this best for him. And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he perseveres; and this is best for him.”
Therefore, affliction and testing are required for the believer to achieve victory, honour, and well-being. Because of this, the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) said:
“Those most afflicted among the people are the prophets, then the most righteous, then the next most righteous. One is afflicted in accordance with his deed. If his Deen is firm, his affliction is made harder, and if his Deen is weak, his affliction is made lighter. A believer continues to be subjected to adversity until he walks on the surface of the earth without a sin.”
REQUISITES OF THIS LIFE
There are things that afflict the believers in this world; such as being oppressed, defeated, and harmed by their enemies. These occurrences are essential and inevitable aspects of this world, and are similar to extremely hot and cold weather, sickness, worries, and grief. They are essential to human life and nature, and are applicable even to children and animals, as decreed by the wisdom of the Most-Wise.
There is a great wisdom behind mixing good with evil, pleasure with pain, and benefit with harm. Had this world been devoid of such mixing, it would be a totally different world, and that wisdom would have been lost.
Refining the good from the bad will occur in a world other than this world, and a life other than this life, as Allaah said (what means):
"So that Allaah may distinguish the wicked from the good, and place the wicked one on another, heap them together, and cast them into Hell. It is those who are the losers!"
(Surah Al Anfaal 8:37)
WISDOM IN AFFLICTIONS
There is a great wisdom, not possible to encompass to the fullest by other than Allaah, in afflicting the believers and letting their enemies sometimes defeat, oppress, or subdue them. Some of this wisdom is explained in the following;
a) Weakness brings submission, strength brings obedience: Affliction instigates in the believers full humility and submission to Allaah, makes them realise their need and dependence on Him, causes them to ask Him for victory against their enemies. Had they always been victorious and triumphant, they would become arrogant and insolent. Contrarily, had they always been subdued and oppressed by their enemies, it would not be possible for them to establish the Deen and secure the truth. Therefore, the wisdom of the Most-Wise has mandated alternating them between being victors sometimes and sometimes losers. When they lose, they implore, turn with sincerity, submit, and repent to their Lord. And when they win, they establish his Deen and its rites, command good, forbid evil, strive against His enemies, and support His allies.
b) Distinguishing the truthful from the liars: Had the believers always been victorious and triumphant, they would be followed by those whose purpose is not to establish the deen and obey Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) but only to be with those who are in positions of honour and victory. On the other hand, had they always been losers and defeated, no one would follow them. Therefore, Divine wisdom has mandated that they be winners sometimes and losers others, thereby distinguishing those who strive to obey Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam) from those whose only goal is worldly possessions and positions.
c) Servitude in all situations: Allaah loves for His servants to perfect their servitude to Him in situations of both ease and hardship, well-being and affliction, victory and defeat. In each of the two situations, Allaah requires from His servants a form of servitude consistent with that situation, and not possible to fulfill without it. The heart cannot be well without these opposite situations, like the body which cannot be well without being subjected to heat and cold, hunger and thirst, toil and strife, and their opposites. Those trials and afflictions are required for attaining human perfection and well-being, as it is not possible to reach a goal without the necessary means.
d) Rectification through affliction: Allowing the believers enemies to overcome them is a test that cleanses, purifies, and rectifies them. Allaah indicates the wisdom behind allowing this to happen in the battle of Uhud by saying (what means)
"Do not falter nor grieve, since you are superior (to your enemy) if you are (true) believers. If a sore should afflict you, similar sores have afflicted the (opposing) folk. We alternate such days (of victory) among the people, so that Allaah may know those who believe, and may accept martyrs from among you – Allaah does not love the wrongdoers – and so that Allaah may purge the believers and wipe out the disbelievers. Or did you think that you would enter Jannah before Allaah knows those among you who strive (in His way) and those who are steadfast?"
(Surah Ali Imran 3: 139-142)
Here Allaah mentions the wisdom for which he allowed the disbelievers to win that battle.
First, Allaah encourages and reassures the believers, and gives them the tidings that they are superior to their enemy by virtue of their belief. He also consoles them in that, even though they have been afflicted with sores because of their obedience to Allaah and His Messenger, their enemy had previously been afflicted with sores because of its disobedience to Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam).
Allaah then indicates that, out of His wisdom, He makes the days (of victory) alternate among the people so that, similar to sustenance and life-spans, each group will earn its appointed share.
Allaah then informs them that He does that in order to know the believers among them. Of course, He is All-Knowing of everything, before and after its occurrence. But He wanted to manifest their belief in actual existence.
Allaah then mentions that He loves to take martyrs from among them. Martyrdom is an elevated and exalted position that can only be attained through dying for His cause. Without the enemy's victory, it is not possible for the believers to attain this rank of martyrdom so beloved to Allaah and beneficent to them.
Allaah then indicates that He wants to purge the believers: He wants to purify them from their sins through their repenting to Him and seeking His forgiveness for the sins that made their enemy's victory possible. Furthermore, He indicates that He wants to wipe out the disbelievers because of their oppression, persecution, and tyranny.
Allaah then disapproves of the believers presumption to enter Jannah without striving and patience, as His wisdom requires. Were they to be always victorious, no one would fight them, and it would not be possible to test their patience in the face of their enemy's harm.
THE CREATIONS PURPOSE IS TO TEST THE PEOPLE
Allaah has created the heavens and the earth, and death and life, and has adorned the earth with all the things that are on it, for one purpose: to test His servants and distinguish between those who seek Him and His rewards and those who seek the worldly life and its pleasures. Allaah says (what means):
"He is the One Who created the heavens and the earth in six days – and His throne was over water – so He may test you as to which of you is better in deeds."
(Surah Huud 11:7)
"Surely We have made whatever is on the earth an adornment for it, so We may test them as to which one is better in deeds."
(Surah Al Kahfi 18:7)
When a messenger is sent to the people, they have two options; believe, or deny and persist on committing disbelief and sins. And it is essential to test both types.
As for the one who says, I believe, Allaah must test and afflict him to make it clear whether he is truthful or lying in what he says. If he were lying, he would turn around and run away from the test as he would also run away from Allaah's punishment. And if he were truthful, the test would merely increase his eemaan, as Allaah says (what means):
"And when the believers saw the Confederates (advancing against them), they said, ?This is what Allaah and His Messenger had promised us! Allaah and His Messenger have told the truth! And all this merely increased them in faith and submission (to Allaah)."
(Surah Al Ahzaab 33:22)
And as for a disbeliever, he will be tried and afflicted with Allaah's punishment in the hereafter. In addition, he will suffer from the pain, disasters, and punishment that Allaah ordained in this life for those who disobey His Messengers.
No one can escape from trials in this life, in al-Barzakh (the intermediate stage for human beings between the moment of death and the time resurrection), or on the Day of Resurrection. A believers trials and affliction are light and temporal; because of his faith, Allaah protects him, lightens his load, and grants him the patience, firmness, and submission to ease his affliction. On the other hand, the trials and affliction are hard and prolonged for a disbeliever, hypocrite, or corrupt person.
Suffering and trials are, therefore, necessary for everyone – believer or disbeliever. A believer initially suffers in the first life, and is then granted the success of the first and last lives. A disbeliever, a hypocrite, or a wrongdoer initially enjoys the pleasure, but then ends up in pain and suffering. This is further explained in the next point.
AFFLICTIONS ARE A BY-PRODUCT OF SOCIALISATION
By nature, a human being is social: he must mix with other people. And since the other people have their own tendencies, attitudes and beliefs, they expect him to conform to that. If he does not, they would harm and punish him, and if he does, he would be harmed and punished in a different way. Thus, it is necessary to mix with people; which leads to agreeing with them in some matters and disagreeing in others. Agreeing with the evil of their desires, beliefs, and tendencies, results in pain and suffering, and disagreeing with that results in pain and suffering as well. There is no doubt, though, that the pain resulting from disagreeing with their wrong is lighter and easier than that resulting from obeying them.
As an example, you would find those who expect from a person to agree to their injustice, sinning, or false witness, or to help them in committing a prohibited act. If he does not agree, they would harm, oppress, and persecute him; but the final success will be his if he maintains patience and piety. On the other hand, conforming with them to evade their persecution would result in a greater pain; and most often they would eventually turn against him and inflict on him an amount of pain much larger than he had tried to evade.
Understanding this and acting upon by it is one of the most useful matters for a person: a little pain followed by a great and permanent pleasure is more endurable that a slight pleasure followed by a great permanent pain. Indeed, facilitation is in Allaah's hand.
THE FOUR TYPES OF AFFLICTIONS
Affliction that occurs to a person can only be with respect to one of four things:
- his self
- wealth
- honour
- family and beloved ones.
The affliction in regard to his self can be through harming or totally destroying it, and this is the most severe forms of affliction.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
When Parents Don't Approve
By Dr. Aneesah Nadir
Getting Married
Parental disapproval of their adult child’s mate selection is a big problem for the fictional ‘Ali and Khan families.
Mrs. ‘Ali wants her daughter to marry a doctor from their culture. Mr. ‘Ali thinks the person his daughter is interested in is not good enough for her. Their daughter Amina argues:
“He’s a good Muslim, and he cares about me. Just because he isn’t a doctor it does not mean he cannot support our marriage”.
Mrs. Khan thinks the girl her son wants to marry is not good enough for him. Her son Tariq says:
“Mother I love you, and I value your opinion. I realize Mariam is not from our culture but she is a good Muslim, I care for her, I want to marry her and I want your blessing”.
Arguments over differing perspectives regarding who our children should marry impact on healthy family relationships, which often leads to future marriages starting off with a really rough start.
The Prophet (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallam), reminded us that people marry for four reasons-beauty, wealth, status and piety. The qualities of piety or strong faith are considered to be the best reasons to marry. However, even though the person you want to marry is a good Muslim sometimes your parents feel he or she is just not suited for you or they just can not get past some of their personal or cultural preferences and expectations about who you should marry.
So, what should you do when your parents don’t approve of the person you want to marry even though he or she is a good Muslim?
· Of course you could argue with your parents and ruin your relationship with them.
· You could determine that you plan to marry the person you’ve chosen whether they like it or not.
Both of these strategies have challenging consequences. Marriage is difficult enough when you have your parents support. Married people need the support of family and friends. Starting off your marriage without your parents support can cause undue stress in the new relationship.
You risk blaming your spouse for the discord between you and your parents. It inevitably pulls the family apart at a time when the newlyweds need the most support. Yet, what are you to do when you really care for the person you want to marry, and you want to maintain the pleasure of your parents?
CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:
· Try to soften your parents’ hearts by showing patience, kindness and generosity to them. Have someone they respect talk with them to try persuade them to consider the person you have chosen to marry. See if that family friend or ustadz can encourage your parents to see how much you love each other, and want to establish a marriage built on strong faith (imaan) and God consciousness (taqwa).
· Spend time developing your personal relationship with Allaah and the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallam). Get to know Allaah, and what he wants for you. Spend time in sincere prayer and worship.
Tahajjud and Fajr prayers are among the best times to spend sincerely calling on Allaah for guidance. Get to know Allaah by getting to know his 99 names. Spend time pondering over His signs in creation. Spend time reading, reciting and pondering over the words He left for us in the Qur’an.
· Get to know the family life of the Prophet (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallam), as the best example of family life. Work to implement as many of the Prophet’s behaviors and characteristics in your family even before you meet your future spouse. Practice his example on your parents, your siblings and other relatives. The Prophet’s kind treatment, patience, care and concern for his family are examples we should all work to emulate.
· In addition to developing your relationship with Allaah spend time improving your relationship with your parents. Spend time with your parents. Visit them regularly. Have dinner with them often. Participate in mosque and community activities with them regularly. Join them for their special events and projects.
Demonstrate your concern for them. Talk with them about the kind of person you would like to marry, the characteristics you would like your future spouse to possess so that your choice is not a surprise, and they feel you have involved them by sharing your thoughts with them.
Communication, love and respect between parents and young adults are a secret ingredient for a healthy relationship. Pray to Allaah to guide you to the person who will love you and your parents. Pray that your parents will come to know and love the person Allaah chooses for you.
· Serve your community while you are waiting for Allaah to send you the person He has chosen for you. There are so many needs to address in our communities. Join an organization that addresses poverty, homelessness, hunger environmental problems, youth development, or global warming.
Not only has Allaah placed a trust on each of us as stewards or khalifa, staying active while working on a good cause will hopefully give you time to put your marital choice into perspective. Allaah has a plan for you.
· Remember that your ultimate goal should be to fulfill what Allaah wants for you.
· Exercise patience. Be patient and ask Almighty Allaah to help you recognize the person that is truly right for you, that fears Allaah, and loves you and your parents. Ask Allaah to bless your parents to accept and love the man or woman He sends for you and not put up obstacles to your marriage.
May Allaah make it easy for those who are facing this predicament, and may Allaah grant us Mercy and ease in our hearts.
Getting Married
Parental disapproval of their adult child’s mate selection is a big problem for the fictional ‘Ali and Khan families.
Mrs. ‘Ali wants her daughter to marry a doctor from their culture. Mr. ‘Ali thinks the person his daughter is interested in is not good enough for her. Their daughter Amina argues:
“He’s a good Muslim, and he cares about me. Just because he isn’t a doctor it does not mean he cannot support our marriage”.
Mrs. Khan thinks the girl her son wants to marry is not good enough for him. Her son Tariq says:
“Mother I love you, and I value your opinion. I realize Mariam is not from our culture but she is a good Muslim, I care for her, I want to marry her and I want your blessing”.
Arguments over differing perspectives regarding who our children should marry impact on healthy family relationships, which often leads to future marriages starting off with a really rough start.
The Prophet (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallam), reminded us that people marry for four reasons-beauty, wealth, status and piety. The qualities of piety or strong faith are considered to be the best reasons to marry. However, even though the person you want to marry is a good Muslim sometimes your parents feel he or she is just not suited for you or they just can not get past some of their personal or cultural preferences and expectations about who you should marry.
So, what should you do when your parents don’t approve of the person you want to marry even though he or she is a good Muslim?
· Of course you could argue with your parents and ruin your relationship with them.
· You could determine that you plan to marry the person you’ve chosen whether they like it or not.
Both of these strategies have challenging consequences. Marriage is difficult enough when you have your parents support. Married people need the support of family and friends. Starting off your marriage without your parents support can cause undue stress in the new relationship.
You risk blaming your spouse for the discord between you and your parents. It inevitably pulls the family apart at a time when the newlyweds need the most support. Yet, what are you to do when you really care for the person you want to marry, and you want to maintain the pleasure of your parents?
CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:
· Try to soften your parents’ hearts by showing patience, kindness and generosity to them. Have someone they respect talk with them to try persuade them to consider the person you have chosen to marry. See if that family friend or ustadz can encourage your parents to see how much you love each other, and want to establish a marriage built on strong faith (imaan) and God consciousness (taqwa).
· Spend time developing your personal relationship with Allaah and the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallam). Get to know Allaah, and what he wants for you. Spend time in sincere prayer and worship.
Tahajjud and Fajr prayers are among the best times to spend sincerely calling on Allaah for guidance. Get to know Allaah by getting to know his 99 names. Spend time pondering over His signs in creation. Spend time reading, reciting and pondering over the words He left for us in the Qur’an.
· Get to know the family life of the Prophet (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallam), as the best example of family life. Work to implement as many of the Prophet’s behaviors and characteristics in your family even before you meet your future spouse. Practice his example on your parents, your siblings and other relatives. The Prophet’s kind treatment, patience, care and concern for his family are examples we should all work to emulate.
· In addition to developing your relationship with Allaah spend time improving your relationship with your parents. Spend time with your parents. Visit them regularly. Have dinner with them often. Participate in mosque and community activities with them regularly. Join them for their special events and projects.
Demonstrate your concern for them. Talk with them about the kind of person you would like to marry, the characteristics you would like your future spouse to possess so that your choice is not a surprise, and they feel you have involved them by sharing your thoughts with them.
Communication, love and respect between parents and young adults are a secret ingredient for a healthy relationship. Pray to Allaah to guide you to the person who will love you and your parents. Pray that your parents will come to know and love the person Allaah chooses for you.
· Serve your community while you are waiting for Allaah to send you the person He has chosen for you. There are so many needs to address in our communities. Join an organization that addresses poverty, homelessness, hunger environmental problems, youth development, or global warming.
Not only has Allaah placed a trust on each of us as stewards or khalifa, staying active while working on a good cause will hopefully give you time to put your marital choice into perspective. Allaah has a plan for you.
· Remember that your ultimate goal should be to fulfill what Allaah wants for you.
· Exercise patience. Be patient and ask Almighty Allaah to help you recognize the person that is truly right for you, that fears Allaah, and loves you and your parents. Ask Allaah to bless your parents to accept and love the man or woman He sends for you and not put up obstacles to your marriage.
May Allaah make it easy for those who are facing this predicament, and may Allaah grant us Mercy and ease in our hearts.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Mercy
The Most Merciful shows mercy to those who have mercy on others
By Shaikh Muhammad Musa Nasr
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) once kissed Al-Hasan Ibn ‘Ali (r.a.) while Al-Aqra’ Ibn Haabis was in his presence. So Al-Aqra’ said to him: “You kiss your children. I swear by Allaah, I have ten children and I never kissed any one of them!” So Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“He who doesn’t show mercy (to others) will not be shown mercy (by Allaah).”
Verily, mercy – in our religion – encompasses this world and the hereafter, as well as mankind, animals, birds, and the surrounding habitats.
Allaah says: “And My Mercy encompasses every thing.”
Allaah has described Himself with mercy and He has also described His prophets and righteous servants with it. Allaah says:
“Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) and those who are with him are severe against the disbelievers and merciful to one another.”
Allaah has made his sending forth of Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) as a mercy to all of creation, as He says:
“And We have not sent you (O Muhammad [salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam]) except as a mercy to the worlds.”
The word “worlds” (‘aalameen) is general and thus includes the world of the humans, the world of the jinn, the world of the animals and the world of the birds, as well as the nations found on land and the nations found on sea.
And indeed Allaah has commanded that mercy be applied to every thing and in every action. So even when you slaughter your sacrificial animal, you show mercy to it by saying Bismillaah and by sharpening your sword (so that it will be a quick and painless death). Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“Verily Allaah has prescribed Ihsaan (goodness) for everything. So when you slaughter, then slaughter in a good manner, and when you kill (in war), then kill in a good manner. And let each of you sharpen his blade and let him spare the animal he slaughters from suffering.”
And Allaah indeed forgave one prostitute from the Jews who showed mercy to a dog that was dying from thirst. She filled her shoe with water and then taking hold of the dog’s mouth, she gave it the water to drink. So Allaah was thankful to her for what she did and forgave her sins.
And once our Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) saw one of his Companions grab the baby of a lark, and it began screeching over the heads of the Companions. So Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“Who bereaved this (lark) of her child? Return her children back to her!”
The more weak and poor a human being is, the more required we are of showing mercy to him. And being gentle with him is what is most incumbent. This is why our Lord has forbidden us from oppressing the orphan. Allaah says:
“Therefore, treat not the orphan with oppression. And do not repel the beggar.”
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“The person that looks after and supports the widow and the needy one is like the mujaahid (one who makes Jihaad) in the Cause of Allaah.”
And Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) would rub the head of the orphan and say:
“I and the guardian of an orphan will be like this in Paradise – and Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) gestured with his index and middle finger.”
Indeed Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) commanded us to take care of the children and the women and the elders. Thus, in his last words to his Companions and his nation, he said:
- “The prayer and what your right hands possess.”
- “Take good care of the women (i.e. wives).”
And Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
- “The best of you is the best to his wives. And I am the best amongst you with my wives.”
Mercy is something innate, which Allaah has placed into the hearts of (all) His creatures, even the lions – the most dangerous of them – for they are merciful to their children. Yet Allaah is more merciful to His creation than a mother is to her child. That is why on the day that He created mercy, He created one hundred parts to it. And He left ninety-nine parts with Him, by which He will show mercy to His servants on the Day of Judgement, and sent down one single part of mercy to earth, which humans and animals share amongst themselves.
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) has condemned the person that is void of any mercy and who doesn’t attain a large amount of it. This is why Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) condemned the one who breaks family ties. Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“Kinship is connected to the Throne (‘Arsh). It says: ‘Whoever severs me, then break (away from) him. And whoever maintains me, then keep connected to him.”
And in one narration:
“Verily, the kinship will be connected to the Throne of the Most Merciful on the Day of Judgement. It will say: ‘This is the place for the one who sought refuge in You from the severing (of family ties).’ So Allaah will say to it: ‘Will it please you that I connect those who maintained you and that I cut off those who severed you?’ And it will say: ‘I will be pleased (with that), my Lord.’”
And Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) condemned the oppressive leaders who do not show mercy to their people, by saying:
“The worst leaders are al-hutamah.”
And Allaah has named Himself Ar-Rahmaan and Ar-Raheem, so He is the Most Merciful of this world and the Hereafter (i.e. Ar-Rahmaan) and the bestower and giver of mercy (i.e. Raheem). This is why He has commanded it in every place and in every situation. The Muslim begins his action by saying Bismillaahir-Rahmaanir-Raheem so that Allaah can bless him in his action.
So every action that is void of mercy, then there is no blessing in it, nor any good. And the servants of Allaah showing mercy towards one another is a cause for Allaah sending His Mercy down on them.
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“The Most Merciful shows mercy to those who have mercy on others. Show mercy to those on earth, and the One above the heaven will show mercy to you.”
O Allaah, have mercy on us above the earth and below the earth and on the Day when our deeds will be presented to us. And cause us to be merciful to one another just as the Companions of Your Prophet Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) were. And have mercy on our dead ones and put those who have mercy from amongst Your servants in charge over us Ya Rahmaan Ya Raheem!
Al-Asaalah Magazine Issue 21, pg. 17
By Shaikh Muhammad Musa Nasr
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) once kissed Al-Hasan Ibn ‘Ali (r.a.) while Al-Aqra’ Ibn Haabis was in his presence. So Al-Aqra’ said to him: “You kiss your children. I swear by Allaah, I have ten children and I never kissed any one of them!” So Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“He who doesn’t show mercy (to others) will not be shown mercy (by Allaah).”
Verily, mercy – in our religion – encompasses this world and the hereafter, as well as mankind, animals, birds, and the surrounding habitats.
Allaah says: “And My Mercy encompasses every thing.”
Allaah has described Himself with mercy and He has also described His prophets and righteous servants with it. Allaah says:
“Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) and those who are with him are severe against the disbelievers and merciful to one another.”
Allaah has made his sending forth of Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) as a mercy to all of creation, as He says:
“And We have not sent you (O Muhammad [salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam]) except as a mercy to the worlds.”
The word “worlds” (‘aalameen) is general and thus includes the world of the humans, the world of the jinn, the world of the animals and the world of the birds, as well as the nations found on land and the nations found on sea.
And indeed Allaah has commanded that mercy be applied to every thing and in every action. So even when you slaughter your sacrificial animal, you show mercy to it by saying Bismillaah and by sharpening your sword (so that it will be a quick and painless death). Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“Verily Allaah has prescribed Ihsaan (goodness) for everything. So when you slaughter, then slaughter in a good manner, and when you kill (in war), then kill in a good manner. And let each of you sharpen his blade and let him spare the animal he slaughters from suffering.”
And Allaah indeed forgave one prostitute from the Jews who showed mercy to a dog that was dying from thirst. She filled her shoe with water and then taking hold of the dog’s mouth, she gave it the water to drink. So Allaah was thankful to her for what she did and forgave her sins.
And once our Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) saw one of his Companions grab the baby of a lark, and it began screeching over the heads of the Companions. So Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“Who bereaved this (lark) of her child? Return her children back to her!”
The more weak and poor a human being is, the more required we are of showing mercy to him. And being gentle with him is what is most incumbent. This is why our Lord has forbidden us from oppressing the orphan. Allaah says:
“Therefore, treat not the orphan with oppression. And do not repel the beggar.”
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“The person that looks after and supports the widow and the needy one is like the mujaahid (one who makes Jihaad) in the Cause of Allaah.”
And Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) would rub the head of the orphan and say:
“I and the guardian of an orphan will be like this in Paradise – and Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) gestured with his index and middle finger.”
Indeed Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) commanded us to take care of the children and the women and the elders. Thus, in his last words to his Companions and his nation, he said:
- “The prayer and what your right hands possess.”
- “Take good care of the women (i.e. wives).”
And Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
- “The best of you is the best to his wives. And I am the best amongst you with my wives.”
Mercy is something innate, which Allaah has placed into the hearts of (all) His creatures, even the lions – the most dangerous of them – for they are merciful to their children. Yet Allaah is more merciful to His creation than a mother is to her child. That is why on the day that He created mercy, He created one hundred parts to it. And He left ninety-nine parts with Him, by which He will show mercy to His servants on the Day of Judgement, and sent down one single part of mercy to earth, which humans and animals share amongst themselves.
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) has condemned the person that is void of any mercy and who doesn’t attain a large amount of it. This is why Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) condemned the one who breaks family ties. Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“Kinship is connected to the Throne (‘Arsh). It says: ‘Whoever severs me, then break (away from) him. And whoever maintains me, then keep connected to him.”
And in one narration:
“Verily, the kinship will be connected to the Throne of the Most Merciful on the Day of Judgement. It will say: ‘This is the place for the one who sought refuge in You from the severing (of family ties).’ So Allaah will say to it: ‘Will it please you that I connect those who maintained you and that I cut off those who severed you?’ And it will say: ‘I will be pleased (with that), my Lord.’”
And Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) condemned the oppressive leaders who do not show mercy to their people, by saying:
“The worst leaders are al-hutamah.”
And Allaah has named Himself Ar-Rahmaan and Ar-Raheem, so He is the Most Merciful of this world and the Hereafter (i.e. Ar-Rahmaan) and the bestower and giver of mercy (i.e. Raheem). This is why He has commanded it in every place and in every situation. The Muslim begins his action by saying Bismillaahir-Rahmaanir-Raheem so that Allaah can bless him in his action.
So every action that is void of mercy, then there is no blessing in it, nor any good. And the servants of Allaah showing mercy towards one another is a cause for Allaah sending His Mercy down on them.
Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) said:
“The Most Merciful shows mercy to those who have mercy on others. Show mercy to those on earth, and the One above the heaven will show mercy to you.”
O Allaah, have mercy on us above the earth and below the earth and on the Day when our deeds will be presented to us. And cause us to be merciful to one another just as the Companions of Your Prophet Rasulullaah (salallaahu 'alayhi wasallaam) were. And have mercy on our dead ones and put those who have mercy from amongst Your servants in charge over us Ya Rahmaan Ya Raheem!
Al-Asaalah Magazine Issue 21, pg. 17
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