Sex As Sadaqah

by Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

"Women shall have rights similar to the rights upon them; according to what is equitable and just; and men have a degree of advantage over them."
(Quran, 2:216)

They do indeed! This passage of the Holy Quran was revealed in connection with the rights of women following a divorce, but it also has a general sense.

One basic right of every person taking on a contract never to have sex other than with their own legitimate partner is that each spouse should therefore provide sexual fulfillment (imta') to the other, as part of the bargain.

Now, every man knows what sexual things please him--but some men, particularly those who have not been married before and are therefore lacking experience, don't seem to know much about how to give the same pleasure to the woman; even worse, some men do know but they can't be bothered to make the effort. Yet this is vital if a marriage is to succeed and not just be a disappointing burden for the woman, and it is a vital part of one's Islamic duty.

It is not acceptable for a Muslim man just to satisfy himself while ignoring his wife's needs. Experts agree that the basic psychological need of a man is respect, while that of a woman is love. Neither respect nor love are things that can be forced--they have to be worked for, and earned.

The Prophet (s) stated that in one's sexual intimacy with one's life partner there is sadaqah (worship through giving): Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said:

"In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqah." The Companions replied: "O Messenger of Allah! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded."
(Muslim)

This hadith only makes sense if the sexual act is raised above the mere animal level.

What is the magic ingredient that turns sex into sadaqah that makes it a matter of reward or punishment from Allah? It is by making one's sex life more than simple physical gratification; it is by thought for pleasing Allah by unselfish care for one's partner. A husband that cannot understand this will never be fully respected by his wife.

Neither spouse should ever act in a manner that would be injurious or harmful to their conjugal life. Nikah is the sacred tie between husband and wife, that sincere and devoted love without which they cannot attain happiness and peace of mind.

"Of His signs is this: that He created for you spouses that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy."
(Quran, 30:21)

Now, every Muslim knows that a man has a right on his wife. However, because nikah is a contract never to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage bond, Islam commands not only the women but the men in this respect, and makes it clear that if a husband is not aware of the urges and needs of his wife, he will be committing a sin by depriving her of her rights.

According to all four orthodox jurists, it is incumbent upon the husband to keep his wife happy and pleased in this respect. Likewise, it is essential for the wife to satisfy the desire of the husband. Neither should reject the other, unless there is some lawful excuse.

Now, it is fairly easy for a woman to satisfy a man and make herself available to him, even if she is not really in the mood. It is far harder for a man to satisfy a woman if he is not in the mood, and this is where an important aspect of male responsibility needs to be brought to every Muslim man's attention, and stressed strongly.

The jurists believed that a woman's private parts needed "protecting" (tahsin). What they meant was that it was important for a Muslim husband to satisfy his wife's sexual needs so that she would not be tempted to commit zina out of despair or frustration.

A Muslim wife is not merely a lump of flesh without emotions or feelings, just there to satisfy a man's natural urges. On the contrary, her body contains a soul no less important in God's sight than her husband's. Her heart is very tender and delicate, and crude or rough manners would hurt her feelings and drive away love.

The husband would be both foolish and immoral to act in any way unpalatable to her natural temperament, and a man selfishly seeking his own satisfaction without considering that of his wife is a selfish boor. In fact, according to a hadith:

"Three things are counted as inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his name and his family. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him."
(Daylami)

This is another of the things implied by the saying that one's wife is "a tilth unto you." (Quran, 2:223) The imagery is that of a farmer taking care of his fields. According to Mawlana Abul-Ala Mawdudi:

"The farmer sows the seed in order to reap the harvest, but he does not sow it out of season or cultivate it in a manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate, and does not run riot." (Afzalur Rahman, Quranic Sciences, London 1981, p.285)

Likewise, in the case of husband and wife, the husband should not just take hold of his wife and rub the seed and finish the business of procreation. The damage in this case could sometimes be irreparable, because a woman, unlike a farm, is very sensitive and has emotions, feelings, and strong passions which need full satisfaction and attention in a proper and appropriate manner. (Afzalur Rahman, Quranic Sciences, London 1981, p. 286)

If this is not taken into consideration, and the wife is not properly prepared to start lovemaking, or is unsatisfied when it is finished, there could be many psychological and physiological complications leading to frigidity and other abnormalities.

Indeed, many husbands eventually become disappointed with their wives, believing them to be frigid or unable to respond to their activities, and they wonder what is wrong with them. A possible explanation will follow in a moment.

Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live with her in serenity (Quran, 7:189), and not in unhappiness, frustration and strife. If your marriage is frankly awful, then you must ask yourself how such a desperate and tragic scenario could be regarded by anyone as "half the Faith."

According to a hadith:

"Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you." "And what is that messenger?" they asked, and he replied: "Kisses and words." (Daylami)

These "kisses and words" do not just include foreplay once intimacy has commenced. To set the right mood, little signals should begin well in advance, so that the wife has a clue as to what is coming, and is pleasantly expectant, and also has adequate time to make herself clean, attractive and ready. As regards intimacy itself, all men know that they cannot achieve sexual fulfillment if they are not aroused. They should also realise that it is actually harmful and painful for the female organs to be used for sex without proper preparation.

In simple biological terms, the woman's private parts need a kind of natural lubrication before the sexual act takes place. For this, Allah has created special glands, known to modern doctors as the Bartholin glands, which provide the necessary "oils." It is still possible to read old-fashioned advice to husbands that a desirable wife should be "dry"--which is remarkable ignorance and makes one really grieve for the poor wives of such inconsiderate men. Just as no one would dream of trying to run an engine without the correct lubricating fluids, it is the same, through the creative will of Allah, with the parts of the female body designed for sexual intimacy.

A husband should know how to stimulate the production of these "oils" in his wife, or at the very least allow her to use some artificial "oils." This lack of knowledge or consideration is where so many marital problems frequently arise.

As Imam al-Ghazali says: "Sex should begin with gentle words and kissing," and Imam al-Zabidi adds: "This should include not only the cheeks and lips; and then he should caress the breasts and nipples, and every part of her body." (Zabidi, Ithaf al-Sada al Muttaqin, V 372) Most men will not need telling this; but it should be remembered that failure to observe this Islamic practice is to neglect or deny the way Allah has created women.

Insulting a wife with bad marital manners

Firstly, a husband must overcome his shyness enough to actually look at his wife, and pay attention to her. If he cannot bring himself to follow this sunnah, it is an insult to her, and extremely hurtful. Personal intimacy is a minefield of opportunities to hurt each other--glancing at the watch, a yawn at the wrong moment, appearing bored, and so on.

A husband's duty is to convince his wife that he does love her--and this can only be done by word (constantly repeated word, I might add--such is the irritating nature of women!), and by looking and touching.

Many people believe that the expression in the eyes reveals much of the human soul. Certainly the lover's gaze is a most endearing and treasured thing. Many wives yearn for that gaze of love, even after they have been married for years. If you cannot bring yourself to look at her while paying attention to her, she can only interprets this as a sign that you do not really love her. And even though it may be irritating to you, and seem quite superfluous, most women are deeply moved when a man actually tells her that he loves her.

Sex is clean!

A modest upbringing is part of good character. The Prophet (s) himself said: "Modesty brings nothing but good." (Bukhari and Muslim) But another important part of Islamic teaching says that all of Allah's creation is beautiful and pure, particularly when it is part of the body of human beings, who are designed as his deputies upon the earth. In some religions, people traditionally believed that the woman's private parts are in some way unclean, or dirty, or even evil.

An excerpt from 'The Muslim Marriage Guide', By Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

Funeral Rites and Regulations in Islam

By Bilal Abu Aisha

All praise is due to Allah All-Mighty, the Ever-Living Who said: "Every soul shall taste death." And may His peace and blessings be upon His slave and final Messenger, our beloved Prophet Muhammad who himself tasted death. The one who said: "Always remember the destroyer of pleasures - Death." The topic between your hands is a very important one, given that most certainly every human being will taste death, just as the prophets, kings, rich, poor, young, old, and nations of the past experienced. By the grace of Allah, Islam has provided a complete set of instructions for the dying individual, those who are present at the time of death, as well as those responsible for burying the deceased. These regulations and exhortations should be common knowledge among Muslims, since death often occurs when it is least expected. This article attempts to provide the reader with a concise compilation of rules and regulations regarding funeral rites in accordance with authentic Islamic teachings.

What to do for a dying and dead person

1. Gently but firmly advise and prompt the dying person to say the Shahaadah - the declaration: Laa ilaaha illa-Allah, which means there is no true god except Allah. This prompting in Arabic is known as Talqeen. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: "Prompt your dying ones to say 'Laa ilaaha illa-Allah.' Whoever last words at the time of death was Laa ilaaha illa-Allah will enter Jannah (Paradise) one day, irrespective of what happens to him prior to that." The talqeen is necessary only when the dying person is unable to utter the shahaadah.

Muslims are also encouraged to be present when non-Muslims are dying in order to present Islam to them. This permission is conditioned by the absence of any signs of shirk or acts of disobedience to Allah. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) visited a Jewish youth who used to serve the Prophet (s.a.w) during his fatal illness. He (s.a.w) sat by his head and said to him: "Embrace Islam, embrace Islam." He looked at his father as if to take his permission. His father said: "Obey Abu Al-Qaasim (i.e. Muhammad)." He took his advice and died immediately thereafter. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "All praise be to Allah who has saved him from the Fire," and commanded his companions to pray the funeral prayer over him.

2. It is recommended to supplicate and say good words aloud in the presence the one who is dying. These positive words make the process of dying easier, and recovery from illness more bearable. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "If you are in the presence of a sick or dying person, you should say good things, for verily the Angels say 'Aameen' to whatever you say."

The practice of reciting Surat Yasin in the presence of the dying person or dead person is based on weak prophetic reports, having no basis in the authentic Sunnah. Neither the Prophet (s.a.w) nor his companions did it, or recommended that it be done. Those who observe the practice of reciting Yasin over the dead do so in light of the hadith: "Yasin is the heart of the Qur'an. Whoever recites it seeking the pleasure of Allah and the Hereafter will receive Allah's forgiveness. So recite it to your dead." Concerning this hadith, Ad-Dar al-Qutni is reported to have said: "In the chain of narrators of this hadith there is confusion. Its text is obscure and is not correct." Another practice which has no foundation in the practice of the Prophet (s.a.w) and his companions, is turning the body of one who is dying so that he or she faces the Qiblah (i.e. the Ka'bah in Makkah). Turning the body became a custom after the time of the Prophet's companions, but was objected to by leading scholars of that time.

3. After a person's soul leaves his body, a person from amongst those who are present should close the eyes of the dead person if they were open at the time of death. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "When the soul is taken, the eyesight follows it." Also, the entire body of the deceased should be covered, except for the one who dies in a state of Ihraam - that is, whilst performing Hajj or 'Umrah, in which case the head and face should not be covered.

4. The relatives of the deceased must hasten in paying back any debts from whatever wealth he or she has left behind, even if it means that all of their wealth will be exhausted. Jabir ibn 'Abdullah reported that after a man once died, he was washed, shrouded, embalmed, and placed where the funerals are usually placed for the prayer. The Prophet (s.a.w) was invited to perform the funeral prayer. He came in, took a few steps, stopped and asked: "Perhaps your friend owes some debt?" He was told: "Yes, two dinars." So he moved back and said: "You pray for your friend." Abu Qatadah (r.a) said: "O Messenger of Allah, I will take care of the two dinars."… The Prophet (s.a.w) prayed the funeral prayer for him. The following day, the Prophet (s.a.w) met Abu Qatadah and asked him: "What happened with the two dinars?" He replied, "O Allah's Messenger, he only died yesterday." On the next day, he (s.a.w) asked him the same and was informed that they had been paid off. So the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "It is now only that his skin has cooled down (i.e. from the punishment.)" This hadith indicates that paying the deceased's debts benefit him after death.

Weeping and Mourning over the Dead

Muslim scholars agree that weeping for the dead is permissible, whereas crying out loud and wailing are not. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The one who is wailed for is tortured on account of it." Abu Musa is reported to have said: "I declare my disavowal of all that Allah's Messenger disavowed. The Messenger of Allah disavowed publicly a woman who mourns loudly, one who shaves her head, and the one who tears her clothes in mourning." It is permissible for a woman to mourn for a period of three days over the death of a near relative. The Islamic term for mourning is Hidaad. Mourning for more than three days is not permitted except in the case of her husband's death. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: "It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn over a dead person more than three days, except for her husband, where she mourns for four months and ten days." A women whose husband has must observe what is known as the 'Iddah - The waiting period before she may remarry, which is four month and ten days. During this period a widow is not permitted to use any adornment, such as jewelry, kohl (eye-makeup), silk, perfume, or henna dye on her hands and feet. A widow during her 'iddah is permitted to leave her home to fulfill her economic and social needs. If for example she works to sustain her family, she may continue to leave her home daily for the period of work. Apart from leaving the house for necessities and social visits to relatives and friends, a widow during her 'iddah should pass the night in her own home until her term lapses, that is, she is not to sleep outside of her house.

Condolences

Offering condolences to the relatives and friends of the deceased is an important act of kindness, which was displayed by the Prophet (s.a.w). When consoling a Muslim, it is important to remind the bereaved of the triviality of this life, that everything belongs to Allah, and that one should submit patiently to the decrees of Allah. It is also beneficent to make him hopeful of Allah's mercy toward the beloved one that he lost, and that by the will of Allah he or she will be united with the deceased on a Day after which there is no parting. What better words to say to the desolated then those taught by Allah's final Messenger (s.a.w): "Innaa lillaahi maa akhathaa wa lillaahi maa A'taa, wa kullu shay-in 'indahoo li ajalin musammaa." This means: "To Allah belongs what He took, and to Him belongs what He gave. Everything is recorded with Him for an appointed term." Offering condolences is not limited to three days, and could be extended for as long as there is a need for it. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) consoled Ja'far's family after three days had passed. A very common practice is gathering to offer condolences to the deceased's family and relatives in the graveyard, house, or mosque. This is a heretical action that has no basis in Islam. Jarir ibn Abdullah al-Bajali said: "We (the companions of the Prophet) considered gathering for visiting the deceased's family, and preparing food after burying them, both acts of wailing." Imaam ash-Shafi said: "I dislike gatherings, even if there is no wailing or crying. For it only renews the family's feelings of sorrow and puts burdens on their food supplies." Some Muslims also commemorate the first, third, seventh, twentieth, or fortieth day following someone's death. This has absolutely no basis from the Qur'an or Sunnah.

Preparing the Body

There are a number of rites that Muslims must hasten to perform as soon as a person dies. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "Hasten the funeral rites." Preparing the body for burial is a Fard Kifaayah - A communal obligation on Muslims. Washing the dead body prior to shrouding and burial is obligatory, according to numerous recorded instructions given by the Prophet (s.a.w). Preparing the deceased begins with the washing of the body. As a general rule, males should take the responsibility of washing males, and females should wash females. The only exception to this rule is in the case of husband and wife, or small children. The evidence given that it is permitted for a husband to wash his wife and vice versa is the hadith collected by Ibn Majah and others. Aisha (r.a) reported that when the Prophet (s.a.w) returned from a funeral at al-Baqee', she was suffering from a headache and said: "Oh my head." The Prophet (s.a.w) replied: "No, it is I who am in pain from whatever hurts you. If you were to die before me, I would wash you…" Furthermore, when Abu Bakr (r.a) died, it was his wife Asmaa' along with his son Abdur-Rahmaan who washed him.

Those who take on the responsibility of washing the dead should be the most knowledgeable of the procedures, preferably from amongst the immediate family members and relatives. If relatives are unavailable, it is recommended that those who wash the body be among the pious. Washing a dead person is a meritorious deed that Muslims should be encouraged to take part in. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "He who washes a Muslim and conceals what he sees (i.e. bad odors, appearance, and anything loathsome), Allah grants him forgiveness forty times (or for forty major sins)…" For this reward to be considered, a Muslim should only seek Allah's pleasure, and not thanks, pay, or any other worldly reward. Taking a bath after washing the body is an important hygienic measure introduced in Islam. However, there is difference of opinion amongst the scholars whether it is wajib (mandatory) or not to perform ghusl (ritual bath). The correct opinion and Allah knows best is that is not compulsory. This is based on the hadith: "You are not to take a bath after washing your deceased, because he is not najis (filthy). It is sufficient that you wash your hands."

Manner of Washing

Firstly, the body should be carefully laid on its back on a washing table. A large towel should be placed over the 'awrah (private parts, between the navel and the knee) of the deceased. Next, the clothing of the deceased should be removed, cutting whatever is not easy to slide off. The joints should be loosened, and slight pressure may be applied to the abdomen to expel any impurities that are close to exiting. The private parts of the deceased should be washed very well. A rag or cloth should be used to wash the body and the washing should begin with the places on the side of the body washed during wudu' (ablution). After completing the wudu, the hair should be thoroughly washed. Any tied or braided hair should be undone. Next, the body should be washed a minimum of three times and the water should have some cleaning agent in it, such as soap or disinfectant. The final washing should have some perfume in it, such as camphor or the like. There is no harm in washing the body more than three times if there is a need to do so, however the total number of complete washes should be odd. Umm 'Ateeyah said: "Allah's Messenger (s.a.w) came to us while we were washing his daughter and said, 'Wash her three, or five, or more times, using water with lote-tree leaves, and put camphor in the last washing.'" The body should then be dried and the hair combed. The body is now ready for shrouding.

In the case of a martyr, their body should not be washed at all. Concerning the martyrs, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "Do not wash them, for verily every wound will emit musk on the Day of Judgement." The following practices are amongst common innovations related to washing: Clipping of the nails and shaving of armpit or pubic hair, pressing hard on the stomach to expel impurities, stuffing cotton into the throat, nose and anus of the deceased (This is only permissible if the body has a continuous leak.), saying a specific phrase for every part of the body that is washed, and the present people making a loud thikr while the body is washed. We seek refuge with Allah from ignorance.

The Kafan - Shroud

The next procedure after washing is the obligatory act of shrouding the entire body. It is allowable for the deceased to be wrapped with one or two sheets. The preferable number is generally considered to be three, given that the Prophet (s.a.w) was shrouded in three. The preferable colour of the shroud is white. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: "Wear white clothes, for verily it is among the best of your garments, and shroud your dead in it also." It is not permissible to be extravagant in shrouding the dead. The sheets should be ordinary cloth, and the number of sheets should not exceed three. It is recommended that the shroud be perfumed with incense, except in the case of a person who died in a state of ihraam. The clothing of one killed on the battlefield is not to be removed. It is recommended to shroud the martyr with one or two sheets over their clothes as the Prophet (s.a.w) did for Hamzah and others.

The Funeral prayer

The performance of the funeral prayer over a Muslim, known in Arabic as Salaat-ul Janaazah, is a communal obligation - Fard Kifaayah. If someone is buried without it being performed, the whole community incurs a sin for not having fulfilled this obligation. A child born dead or aborted dead after four month, or one that dies before puberty, does not have to have a funeral prayer. This is in light with the hadith of Aishah who said: "The Prophet's son Ibraaheem died when he was eighteen months old, and the Prophet (s.a.w) did not make (funeral) salaat for him." Although it is not obligatory in this case, it is still recommended as it was done by the Prophet (s.a.w) on other occasions. Likewise in the case of those killed on the battlefield, such individuals may be buried without the performance of Salat-ul Janazaah, as was the case with the martyrs of the battle of Uhud. However, the funeral prayer may be performed for martyrs, given that the Prophet (s.a.w) did perform it over those who died in battle on other occasions. The funeral prayer should also be held for those known to be corrupt, such as drug addicts, alcoholics, adulterers, and the like. In their case it is preferred that the scholars and the pious not take part in the funeral prayer as a punishment for them and deterrent for others like them. It was the practice of the Prophet (s.a.w) not to pray for those who committed major sins, allowing others to partake in it.

It is preferable to pray the funeral prayer outside of the mosque, in a place designated for that, known as the Musallah. This was the most common practice of the Prophet (s.a.w). The funeral prayer may be carried out in the mosque, however praying it outside the mosque was the predominant practice of the Prophet (s.a.w). It is permissible to pray Janaazah (but not other prayers) in a graveyard, either away from the graves, or in an area designated for that. It is also permissible to perform the funeral prayer over a grave, after burial, in two situations: If the dead person was buried before performing the prayer; or if he was buried before giving chance to the Muslims to perform the prayer. This was done by the Prophet (s.a.w) over a black woman who used to clean the mosque.

The reward and benefits for offering the funeral prayer is very great for both the deceased and the one who performs it. Allah's Messenger (s.a.w) said: "Whoever follows a funeral procession and offers the prayer for the deceased, will gain one Qeeraat of reward. And whoever follows it and remains with it until the body is buried, will get two Qeeraats of reward, the least of which is equal in weight to Mount Uhud." And he (s.a.w) also said: "Whenever a Muslim man dies, and forty men pray over his janaazah, none of them joining anything with Allah in worship, Allah grants them intercession for him." The only way the Prophet (s.a.w) and his companions offered the funeral prayer was in congregation. It is preferable that those behind the Imaam form at least three rows, even though the rows may not be complete, as this is the Sunnah. The Imaam should stand facing the Qiblah behind the head of the dead man and behind the middle of the dead woman.

The Imaam begins the prayer with takbir. It is possible to do either four, five, six, seven, or even nine takbirs, as all of them have been recorded in authentic hadiths and acts of the companions. With the uttering of takbir, it is permissible to either raise one hands with each takbir, or to do so only for the first takbir based on different sound narrations. After each takbir, the hands should be placed on the chest, as one would do in regular prayer. After the first takbir, Surat al-Faatihah should be recited. It is also permissible to recite another small chapter after it. The recitation should be done in a quiet voice. After the second takbir, the prayer for the Prophet (s.a.w) should be made, similar to that said before one ends their salaat. After each of the remaining two or more takbirs, sincere prayers (du'a) should be made for the dead and their relatives. There are different invocations narrated by the Prophet (s.a.w) found in books of supplication one can choose from to say. After the final takbir comes the tasleem - giving greetings of salaam, as one does in regular prayer (salaat) to conclude their prayer. One may do so by making tasleem to both the right and left sides, or the right side only, as both have been authentically transmitted.

If a Muslim dies in a land where there are no Muslims to pray the funeral prayer over him, then in this case it is permissible to perform the prayer for him in another land. This is known as salat-ul Ghaa-ib - The prayer of an absent person. This is what the Prophet (s.a.w) did when news reached him about the death of an-Najaashi, the ruler of Abyssinia at that time, and a Muslim who concealed his faith. Some scholars took this action of the Prophet (s.a.w) as a sunnah and permission for Muslims to pray for everyone who dies afar. This is the opinion of Shafi'e and Ahmad. Other scholars took this incident as a special case only applicable to the Prophet (s.a.w) and no one else. This is the opinion of Abu Hanifah and Maalik. The correct opinion and Allah knows best, is that if the funeral prayer was not performed in the land where the person died, it is permissible to pray salat-ul Ghaib. The Prophet (s.a.w) prayed for an-Najaashi because it is appears that the prayer was not performed for him, given that he died amongst the disbelievers.

Visiting Graves

It is recommended to visit the graves for the purpose of getting admonishment and remembering the hereafter. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: "I forbade you from visiting graves, but now you may visit them, for in visiting them there is a reminder of the hereafter." It is totally forbidden to associate the visit with anything that would anger Allah (s.w.t), such as supplicating to the dead, invoking their assistance, wailing, or other types of shirk and sinful actions. Difference of opinion exists amongst Muslim scholars concerning the permissibility of women visiting graves. The soundest opinion and Allah knows best is that they are allowed to visit the graves. This is the opinion of Imam Malik, some Hanafi scholars, al-Hafiz ibn Hajar, al-'Ayni, and according to one report from Ahmad. This view is based on several reports including the above-mentioned hadith, whereby the Prophet's (s.a.w) statement recommending to visit the graves is addressed to both males and females. It is also centered on the hadith of 'Abdullah ibn Abi Mulaikah who said: "Once, 'Aishah returned after visiting the graveyard. I asked, 'O Mother of the Believers, where have you been?' She said: 'I went out to visit the grave of my brother Abdur-Rahmaan.' I asked her: 'Didn't the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) prohibit visiting graves?' She said: 'Yes, he did forbid visiting graves during the early days, but later on he ordered us to visit them.'" Another hadith that supports this view is the hadith in which Aishah (r.a) asks the Prophet (s.a.w) about what to say when she visits the graveyard. The Prophet (s.a.w) replies with a supplication to say, and does not advise her otherwise. Also in the hadith collected by Bukhari and Muslim, the Prophet (s.a.w) passed by a woman crying by the grave of her son. He advised her to fear Allah and be patient… Had it been forbidden for women to visit graves, Allah's Messenger (s.a.w) would have told her that, as it is not from the character of the Prophet (s.a.w) to keep silent about prohibited actions. Although it is allowed for women to visit graves, it is not recommended that they visit frequently. The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: "Allah (or Allah's Messenger) curses the women who frequently (visit) the graves." Muslims are allowed to visit the graves of disbelievers for reflection, however they are not allowed to participate in the funeral rites of non-Muslims.

We ask Allah Most High to grant us with authentic beneficial knowledge, and to bestow upon us the understanding of His deen. We ask Him to give us the strength and support to remember Him, praise Him, and to perfect our worship - Aameen.

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Qur'anic Verse & Ahadith Regarding Honey

Allaah said:

"And your Lord inspired the bees, saying: "Take you habitations in the mountains and in the trees and in what they erect. Then, eat of all fruits, and follow the ways of your Lord made easy (for you). There comes forth from their bellies, a drink (honey) of varying colour wherein is healing for men. Verily, in this is indeed a sign for people who think. "
[An Nahl: 68-69]

The Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alayhi wasallaam) said,
“Make use of the two cures: honey and the Qur’an”
[Ibn Majah & others]

Narrated 'Aisha:
"The Prophet used to like sweet edible things and honey. "
[Sahih Bukhari]

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
The Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alayhi wasallaam) said,
"Healing is in three things: A gulp of honey, cupping, and branding with fire (cauterizing)." But I forbid my followers to use (cauterization) branding with fire."
[Sahih Bukhari]

Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri:
A man came to the Prophet Muhammad (salallaahu alayhi wasallaam) and said,
"My brother has some abdominal trouble." The Prophet said to him "Let him drink honey." The man came for the second time and the Prophet said to him, 'Let him drink honey." He came for the third time and the Prophet said, "Let him drink honey." He returned again and said, "I have done that ' The Prophet then said, "Allah has said the truth, but your brother's abdomen has told a lie. Let him drink honey." So he made him drink honey and he was cured. "
[Sahih Bukhari]

The Superiority of Raw Honey

Raw honey, which has not been pasteurized, clarified or filtered, contains an abundance of vitamins and minerals, and is a natural and powerful medicine, which is superior to the processed honey most commonly available.

Conventional honey has been processed to prolong its shelf life and improve its appearance, and although research has shown that this honey does contain some health benefits, many of the phytonutrients found in raw honey as it exists in the hive, are largely removed through this processing.

Raw honey, for example, contains small amounts of the same resins found in propolis. Propolis is a complex mixture of resins and other substances that honeybees use to seal the hive and protect it from bacteria and other micro-organisms. Honeybees make propolis by combining plant resins with their own secretions. This substance has anti-bacterial, anti-viral, and anti-fungal properties. This is also why raw honey never grows mold or goes off.

Other phytonutrients found both in honey and propolis have been shown to posssess cancer-preventing and anti-tumor properties. These substances include caffeic acid methyl caffeate, phenylethyl caffeate, and phenylethyl dimethylcaffeate. Researchers have discovered that these substances prevent colon cancer in animals by shutting down activity of two enzymes, phosphatidylinositol-specific phospholipase C and lipoxygenase. A 1992 study published in Chemical-Biological Interactions found that caffeic acid esters (the substances which give propolis a sharp taste like cinnamon) had strong anticancer characteristics when tested on colon cancer cells.

Raw honey contains amino acids, vitamins and thousands of beneficial enzymes. When it is extensively processed and heated, the benefits of these phytonutrients are largely eliminated.

Raw honey also contains bee pollen, which many nutritional experts refer to as a potent superfood. Among bee pollen's many benefits are allergy relief, detoxification and anti-cancer properties. A study in the Journal of the National cancer Institute in 1948 reported that bee pollen fed to rats halted the proliferation of cancerous tumors.

The pollen present in unfiltered honey is also thought to provide relief to allergy sufferers, such as hayfever. Eating honey from local hives is particularly beneficial, as the bees feed on the plants that trigger those specific allergies.

Raw honey is one of the richest natural sources of amylase, an enzyme which facilitates the proper digestion of carbohydrates. This essential enzyme is lost the moment honey is heated, since amylase converts to starch when exposed to heat.

Raw honey is an excellent source of flavonoids. These substances have powerful antioxidant properties and evidence has proven their ability to protect against allergens, viruses, and carcinogens.

Tips for Using Raw Honey:

• Raw honey is usually opaque and creamy, with a slightly crystallized texture. It is very different in appearance to the clear, runny, golden liquid most commonly sold as honey.
• The valuable enzymes in raw honey are preserved only if the honey is never heated above 105 degrees, ideally it should never be heated at all.
• Raw honey should only be added to foods after they have been cooked and not before, since any exposure to heat risks destroying the beneficial nutrients in the honey.
• Although honey is a form of sugar, it is an inverted sugar, and the sugars present in raw honey have already been partly predigested by the action of enzymes. This means that it does not ferment in the stomach, it is easily absorbed, and aids digestion.
• Raw honey should be stored in a sealed, airtight jar, and it will not spoil.

Benefits Of Raw Honey

Raw honey has many benefits known by human for centuries. It's no secret! Unprocessed honey, straight from the hive, has been used worldwide for millennium to promote human health and for healing purposes.

There are many known and unknown benefits :

TO STRENGTHEN OUR BODY AND STAMINA

Pure raw honey has been fueling athlete for centuries. According to ancient folklore, Greece and Roman used honey to increase strength and stamina.

TO IMPROVE SKIN COMPLEXION AND YOUTHFULNESS

Raw honey has been used in beauty regime since the time of Cleopatra. Raw Honey with its complete nutrition, vitamins, minerals that would promote healthier skin, and its unique and high anti-oxidant property would maintain youthful young looking. The darker the honey the higher anti-oxidant. Honey helps sooth the skin and clears many skin disorders. Its amino acids and vitamin C speeds the growth of healthy tissue.

FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES

Pure raw honey is a known medicine. Its record used going back more than 4 millennium. It was used to treat ulcer, sunburn, wound, diarrhea, throat, gut and antibacterial activities. Honey has been used in traditional Chinese Medicine to treat many diseases for more than 2000 years.

AS A NATURAL SOURCE OF ENERGY FOOD

Honey provides instantaneous replenishment of energy losses, being a rich source of carbohydrate. A teaspoon of honey provides 100 calories.

TO IMPROVE MEN'S SEXUAL PERFORMANCE

Raw black honey could be consumes as it is to enhance vitality and to improve sexual performance, regards as sex supplement food. Studies have shown that raw honey significantly increase the sperm count in rat and bonnet monkey. Black honey is also known as aphrodisiac food.

Medical research has proven that raw honey, can boost the man libido. An interim study by Universiti Sains Malaysia’s School of Pathology and Medicine Education Dean Prof Dr Hayati Othman found that certain properties in raw honey can boost the testosterone level in men, which would in turn increase libido.

TO INCREASE BODY IMMUNE SYSTEMS

The raw honey also helps the body build resistance to easily transmitted coughs and lung infections which surface in arid conditions.

ANTIBACTERIAL AND ANTI FUNGAL

One of the most important properties seems to be its antibiotic action. Raw honey has been shown to be superior to certain conventional antibiotics in treating some infections. This bactericide (bacteria-killing) property of honey is named "the inhibition effect".

Experiments conducted on honey show that its bactericide properties increase twofold when diluted with water. It is very interesting to note that newly born bees in the colony are nourished with diluted honey by the bees responsible for their supervision - as if they know this feature of the honey.

IN HEALING WOUNDS AND GRAZES

Honey is value in treating burns, infected surgical wounds and ulcers. Honey is very viscous, enabling it to absorb water from surrounding inflamed tissue. For example, a study in West Africa showed that skin grafting, surgical debridement and even amputation were avoided when local application of honey to wound promoted healing, whereas conventional treatment failed.

For such wounds or Grazes, cover the wound with honey and a bandage

IN HEALING DIARRHEA OR STOMACH ACHE

At a concentration of 40%, honey has a bactericidal effect on various gut bacteria known to cause diarrhea and dysentery

IN ALLERGIES

Raw honey is an excellent treatment for 90% of all allergies.

TEETH PROTECTION

Although tropical raw honey is sweet, it helps to maintain and protect teeth! Its anti-microbial activity has been tested on several species of dental plaque bacteria. A study shows that honey has been proven to sharply reduce acid production, thus killing the bacteria responsible for dental caries, and blocking the growth of oral bacteria.

IMPROVE DIGESTION AND CONSTIPATION

Because sugar molecules in honey can convert into other sugars (e.g. fructose to glucose), honey is easily digested by the most sensitive stomachs, despite its high acid content. It helps kidneys and intestines to function better. Hence honey is beneficial for maintaining a healthy digestive system as well as combating illnesses such as constipation

FOR WEIGHT CONTROL

Raw honey has a low calorie content. Raw honey, when it is compared with the same amount of sugar, it gives 40% less calories to the body. Although it gives great energy to the body, it does not add weight.

RAPIDLY DIFFUSES THROUGH THE BLOOD

When accompanied by mild water, honey diffuses into the bloodstream in 7 minutes. Its free sugar molecules make the brain function better since the brain is the largest consumer of sugar.

BLOOD CLEANSING

It helps in cleansing the blood. It has some positive effects in regulating and facilitating blood circulation. It also functions as a protection against capillary problems and arteriosclerosis.

AGAINST CHOLESTEROL AND HEART RELATED DISEASE

British researchers have discovered that honey slows the oxidation of 'bad' IDL cholesterol, which is responsible for causing arteriosclerosis, or hardening of the arteries. So Honey can fight against Cholesterol. And the darker the honey, the better. Raw honey taken with food daily (instead of white sugar) relieves complains of cholesterol. This is beneficial for those of Old age, sufferers of Heart-disease, Diabetes, High-blood Pressure, Stroke, and others.

APPETITE AND BODY INFLAMMATION

Raw honey improves appetite in children suffering from conditions of Appetite loss. Reduces inflammation.

IN HEADACHES AND MIGRAINE

Raw honey can prevent an attack for migraines and headaches.

INSOMNIA

Raw honey helps in nervous disorders including Insomnia and acts as a tonic in recovery of any damage to the human nervous system. In cases of Insomnia (Sleeplessness) one teaspoon full of honey mixed in luke-warm water (or milk) & drunk before going to bed helps in getting sound sleep.

ASTHMA

Raw honey benefits in conditions of Asthma as many conditions of Asthma respond favourably to Honey.

FATIGUE AND EXHAUSTION

Raw honey best used to increase the physical stamina and energy level of the human body. Since honey is easily absorbed in the blood, it is the best ingredient to remove tiredness and fatigue after hard work almost instantly. Dissolve 1 teaspoon honey in warm (not hot) water or quarter honey balance of water in a jug and keep in the fridge. Honey is primarily fructose and glucose and so it is quickly absorbed by the digestive system.

Some Useful Tips About Honey

• The color and flavor of the honey depend on the bee's nectar source- the blossoms. Lighter-colored honeys are milder in flavor, while darker honeys are usually stronger in flavor.

• Honey should be stored at room temperature and for no longer than six months, to keep antioxidant content high.

• If your honey crystallizes, simply place the jar in warm water and stir until the crystals dissolve.

• Honey can be used as a substitute for granulated sugar. It is nutritionally superior to sugar and only half the amount of honey is required.

• Honey should not be given to infants under one year of age because very occasionally, honey can contain a type of bacteria that can produce toxins in a baby's intestines which causes botulism.

• Pure raw honey has specific taste, strong aroma and colour.

• Honey has a density of about 1.36 kg/liter (40% denser than water) it won't go trough fabrics membrane. Unless with high pressure. This method is for filtering.

• You can tell a honey from its thickness. It doesn't change its form easily as water do.

• Pure raw honey can last very long, can be decade or century.

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The Importance Of Marrying A Righteous Spouse

By Sheikhah Umm ‘Abdillaah al-Waadi’iyyah (daughter of Sheikh Muqbil)

Imam al-Bukhaaree (rahimullah) stated (9/132): It has been relayed to us by Musaddid that Yahya relayed to us, on ‘Ubaydallaah that he said: Sa’eed bin Abee Sa’eed relayed to me, on his father, on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (radiyallaahu anhu) on the Prophet, (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) that he said:

“A woman is married for four (reasons): For her wealth, for her lineage, and for her beauty, so choose the one who possesses the Deen (religion) and you will be successful.”
[And related by Muslim (2/1086)]

The meaning of the Hadeeth: The people choose wives for various reasons, and they are of four types:

1. From them are those who strive for the rich and wealthy.

2. From them are those who strive for good lineage and it is nobility.

3. From them are those who strive for beauty.

4. And from them are those who strive for the religious (woman).

Choosing a wife for wealth is not appropriate if she does not adorn herself with Taqwaa (fear of Allah). In this case, she will desire to have unrestricted freedom and for her husband to be subservient to her puffing herself up over him. This is understood from her actions even if she does not say it.

Likewise is the one who has nobility if her spouse does not have her level of nobility. She will be haughty towards him if she does not adorn herself with Taqwaa (fear of Allah). Likewise is the one who has beauty. She will be haughty towards her spouse if she is not adorned with Taqwaa (fear of Allah), and the one who the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) encouraged to marry is the one possessing the Deen (religion).

This does not mean that the man turns away from a woman possessing wealth, beauty, or nobility. This means that he should not make that his focus and he should choose the one possessing the religion. As for merging that with the Deen (religion), then this is good.

The woman possessing the religion has Taqwaa (fear of Allah). She is heedful of what Allah has obligated upon her, and she abstains from His prohibitions. As He, The Exalted, has stated,

“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard.”
[Surah Nisa':34]

She keeps herself chaste, guards her husband’s wealth, she does not exit (the home) without his permission, and she is fully aware of her rights, so she does not exceed them. Being fully aware, even if she possesses the religion, it is inevitable that she will not be perfect and complete. She is deficient in her intellect and Deen (religion). This is not related to correcting her since this is not appropriate to be overlooked.

Likewise for the woman: It is upon us to choose a righteous husband. How many women were righteous, but they did not choose a righteous mate and married a failure who pulled her to his ideology and his way? It is also possible that the man is affected by the ideology of his wife as occurred with ‘Imraan ibn Hattaan. He married his cousin to pull her away from the ideology of the Khawaarij and she pulled him to her ideology. So this is more likely to occur to the woman since she is quick and abrupt in changing to another state. So we ask Allah for stability and persistence. A companion will have an effect on his companion. Due to this, there is an encouragement of choosing a righteous companion.

In the Saheehayn (i.e. Bukhaaree and Muslim) from the Hadeeth of Aboo Moosa, (radiyallaahu anhu) that he said: The Messenger of Allah, (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said,

“The example of the righteous companion and the evil companion is like the person that sells musk and the blacksmith. The person that sells musk will either give you some or you may buy some from him. The blacksmith will either burn your clothes or you will find a repugnant odour from him.” In addition, the Prophet, (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) has said, “A man is on the Deen (religion) of his friend, so beware as to whom you take as a friend.”

And the poet said, Do not ask about the person but ask about his companionship, for every person exemplifies his companion.

Moreover, Allah has stated about the people of Paradise:

“Then they will turn to one another, mutually questioning. A speaker of them will say, ‘Verily, I had a companion (in the world), who used to say, ‘Are you among those who believe. That when we die and become dust and bones, shall we indeed (be raised up) to receive reward or punishment (according to our deeds)?” (The speaker) said, “Will you look down?” So he looked down and saw him in the midst of the Fire.”
[Surah Saffaat:50-55]

“And We have assigned for them (devils) intimate companions (in this world), who have made fair-seeming to them, what was before them and what was behind them. And the word (i.e. the torment) is justified against them as it was justified against those who were among the previous generations of jinn and men that had passed away before them. Indeed they (all) were losers.”
[Surah Fussilat:25]

The woman possessing the religion strives for a husband possessing the religion and visa versa as the Prophet, (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) has said, “The souls are recruited soldiers, so whoever amongst them bonded and became mutually acquainted then they were in agreement, and whoever amongst them rejected and disavowed each other then they differed.”

And in the parable, “And everyone strives for someone similar to him.”

And in another parable, “The birds gather with those similar to them, so everyone strives for someone similar to him.”

Another hadeeth encouraging marrying a righteous wife: Imam Muslim has stated (2/1090): Muhammad bin ‘Abdullaah bin Numair al-Hamdaanee relayed to me, that ‘Abdullah bin Yazeed relayed to us, that Haywah relayed to us that Sharhabeel bin Shareek informed me that he heard Abu ‘Abdur Rahmaan al-Hablee relaying on the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)

“The Dunya (the life of this world) is a commodity and the best of its commodities is a righteous wife.”

*Taken from Naseehatee lin Nisa

The Key To Attract An Amazing Spouse

The key to attract an amazing spouse is to nurture in yourself those qualities that appeal to a person of that standard.

Many of us pine for the perfect spouse–realize he or she does not exist. Pick the best you can find, and learn to live with and cover their warts and weaknesses.

Set your criteria (based on the hadeeth of Rasulullaah, salallahu 'alayhi wasallaam) - Have they memorized the Qur’an? Do they speak Arabic? Do they pray Tahajjud (middle-of-the-night prayer) once a week? then ask yourself what a person of those qualities would like in a spouse, and instill those qualities into yourself.

And always double-check your intention to make sure your actions are to please Allaah alone.

When you succeed, bi ithnillah, they will seek you out.

May Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) make us all among those who uphold the Deen to the highest standard and take it to new heights.

Do Muslim Husbands Make The Grade?

By Abu Ayyoob Abdullah al-Ansari

Take the Test: How many of these characteristics describe you as a husband?

I Wake up my wife for Fajr.

I teach my wife, and I do all it takes for her to learn Islam.

I talk to my family about the example of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam and I strive to emulate his example as a husband.

I know it is my responsibility to help with housework and I give my wife days off and do the work she would normally do.

I assist my wife in the care of our children.

I am patient with my wife and I show her love and affection.

I speak to my wife in a kind, respectful and gentle manner.

I sit with my family and present topics for discussion.

I ask my wife for advice and I accept and appreciate getting constructive criticism from her.

I take my wife out for recreation and exercise.

When we seek out knowledge about marriage we see that the Qur’an and Sunnah have assigned tremendous importance to the marriage contract and have distinguished it above all other contracts. Indeed the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

“When a man marries, he has completed half of his religion and he needs only to fear Allaah to complete the other half.”
(At Tirmidhi 3096, Mishkat)

In the Qur’an, Allaah says,

“And how could you take it (back) while you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant?”
[An Nisaa' 4:21]

Purpose of Marriage

Therefore, marriage must be entered into whole-heartedly and taken very seriously by each of the two partners, and both of them must be committed to making their marriage a success. A marriage is truly successful and prosperous only when it is mutually rewarding. Allaah suggests that both partners come together to cover, protect and beautify each other in the same way that a garment covers, protects and beautifies the one who wears it. [Al Baqarah 2:187] Through this metaphor, we understand that when two people get married, they cease to consider themselves individuals but instead as a couple – each person benefiting by the other equally. In order to flourish, there can be no hint of selfishness or refusal to compromise between them. There must be an agreement between the two partners that each of them will work together to solve whatever problems arise. They will assist one another and sacrifice in order to gain mutual happiness, pleasure and peace. This is the purpose and goal of marriage according to the Shari’ah. As the Lord of the Heavens and Earth has said,

“He it is who has created you from a single person and [then] He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her.”
[Al A'raaf 7:189]

Allaah has designated specific roles for both partners. Only when these rights are observed and these obligations fulfilled, can tranquillity descend upon the couple and security surround them in their certain success. If either of the two partners, out of ignorance or intention refuses to fulfill his or her duties and thereby does not honor the rights of the other, the household becomes a living Hell.

Unfortunately, this is a common situation today. Let us focus now on the responsibilities and desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband. Many brothers have never asked themselves:

“What are the rights of a wife upon her husband?”,

“What is my responsibility toward her?”,

“What do I owe her?”

Never asking these questions, or answering them with ignorance, causes many problems in Muslim households. What are the characteristics every man should possess in order to be a good husband to his wife? The example of the Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, is the ideal model. Let us look specifically at these characteristics and how we may achieve them in our lives.

Starting Point

First of all let us understand that Islam is a complete way of life which offers guidance for mankind in all matters. Allaah is the All-Knowing the All-Wise and He has taken account of everything which concerns us. He has included the solution to all of our problems in His Shari’ah. Nothing has been overlooked. The characteristics of a Muslim husband and the way to acquire them have been made clearer and easier to accomplish through the example of Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Allaah says,

“Indeed you have in the messenger of Allaah a most excellent example of conduct for him who looks forward to the meeting with Allaah and the Last Day and remembers Allaah much.”
[Al Ahzaab 33:21]

Unfortunately many brothers interpret this in a limited way – they focus on what we know of the dress and physical attributes of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and his Sahaba. There is no question that the best example of a husband and father is the Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Why is it, then, that so many of us are so far from his example in this area? Could it be that other examples around us influence our behavior more? Do we believe that our financial contribution should represent our dedication to our families? Or have we deliberately ignored the model Allaah has provided us. Allaah has taught us that if we want to achieve Allaah’s pleasure in all spheres of life, the best example for us is His Messenger, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Indeed, the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, himself has informed us that the excellence of his example encompasses and includes everything, especially his behavior toward his wives. He, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

“The best of you are those who are best toward their wives and I am the best of you toward my wives.”
(At Tirmidhi)

Piety & Fear of Allaah

This subject is not new. When Ata’ and Ubaydullah ibn Umayr once asked Aisha about the nature of Prophet Mohammed’ s behavior with her: “Aisha started to weep and said, ‘One night he stood up [intending to offer the night prayer] and said,

‘O Aisha, let me be alone so that I may worship my Lord.’ He stood up, purified himself and continued to pray and weep until the ground became wet. Bilal came and made the adhan. When he saw the Prophet crying, he said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah [why do] you cry, when Allaah has forgiven your past and future sins?’ Prophet Mohammed replied, ‘[Then, for that] should I not be a thankful slave?’”
(Ibn Hibban)

This is one example that demonstrates the intensity of our Prophet’s devotion to his Lord – his extreme piety and tremendous fear of Allaah. Any man, who wishes to emulate him, should start by emulating his taqwa (piety). For it is taqwa of the heart which serves as a foundation for good deeds, manners and morals and makes the observance of the rights of others easy. If a man really and truly wants to be a good husband to his wife, he must also possess fear of Allaah. If a man has the fear of Allaah, and it is this fear that most influences his relationship and his dealings with his wife, he fears what Allaah may do to him if he harms her or treats her in a way that is unjust and therefore will never mistreat her in any way – physically or verbally. He knows that he has to meet Allaah and answer for all that he has said and done.

Indeed this is why Hasan ibn Ali said when asked, “‘O Hasan I have a daughter. To whom do you think I should marry her?’ Hasan said, ‘Marry her to [a man] who [fears Allaah]; for if he [truly fears Allaah] and if he loves her he will honor her and [even] if he doesn’t love her, he will never oppress or abuse her [because he fears Allaah].’”

Education

Among the most important rights a woman has is her right to be educated about her religion. This responsibility is incumbent upon her husband. Therefore, one of the most desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband is that he himself is knowledgeable about Islam and teaches his wife whatever he knows. Why would any Muslim husband want to deny his wife this right? Is it not his wife who will guide his children as they grow? Isn’t she the one who teaches them about haram and halal? Isn’t she the one to see that they learn to pray and fast? Isn’t she the one who must protect her husband’s place and belongings in his absence according to Islamic guidelines? If her knowledge about the deen is limited, the entire family will suffer. Many men seek to shelter their wives from outside influences by forbidding them to participate in outside activities.

Many men may fear that if their wife’s emaan becomes stronger, she will object to his behavior or certain weaknesses in his character. These are reasons that should compel us to participate in her Islamic education, so as she learns, so will we. Couples can discuss topics that concern them and agree on how they will integrate new information into their family’s routine. With this type of cooperation, there is less room for misunderstandings, and less opportunity for one Muslim to feel superior to another within the household. This practice will draw the family members closer to each other and, more importantly, closer to Allaah.

“O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are [appointed] angels stern and severe, who do not hesitate to fulfill the commandments of Allaah [to inflict punishment upon the people of Hell] but [rather] they do [precisely] what they have been commanded [to do]!”
[At Tahrim 66:6]

We can see that taking an active role in our family’s Islamic education protects our families from the fire of Hell. We must strive to set the best example possible for our children, wives and brothers in Islam. It is only by taking personal responsibility, that we can improve the current state of the Ummah. We are creating Muslim communities where our children and grandchildren and brothers and sisters in Islam will find themselves flourishing or deteriorating in.

We must ensure that they have the means to flourish by improving our own knowledge of Islam and constantly sharing it with our families. We need not look far to see members of our Ummah who have failed to keep Islam as the central focus in their homes. Let us move forward by each of us looking at ourselves and asking Allaah to help us to achieve this goal.

If we fail to reach this goal, the consequences in the Hereafter are even more grave, especially for the husband. As the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

“Each one of you is a shepherd and every shepherd will be asked about his flock… and the man will be asked about his family.”
(Bukhari and Muslim)

When the Day of Judgment comes, will our reasons for not educating our families be sufficient for Allaah? Will we be able to offer any excuse after Allaah and His Messenger have made it clear that educating our wives is a duty enjoined upon him that he will be asked about?

Brothers, do your wives read the Qur’an, Hadeeth and Seerah of Prophet Mohammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam? Do they understand their meanings? Do they practice what they have learned? It is our obligation to make certain that our wives have the opportunity and means to continuously increase their knowledge. To do so will not only please Allaah but will improve the relations of everyone in our homes, our Ummah, and insha Allaah the societies in which we live.

Presentation is key

Another responsibility of the Muslim husband is to assist his wife in obeying the commands of Allaah. If she should transgress the limits of Allaah, then it becomes his duty to advise her, admonish her and actually physically prevent her from doing so. However, it is the right of the wife that this admonishment be coupled with kindness and mercy. As Allaah says,

“And [it was] by the Mercy of Allaah, [that] you dealt gently with them. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so overlook their faults, ask that [Allaah's] forgiveness be granted to them and consult with them in [the] affairs of the moment.”
[Ali Imran 3:159]

Therefore, if a husband is overbearing and insisting, his wife’s behavior will most likely not be corrected. She may even persist in her disobedience, returning his cruelty. Prophet Muhammed, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, advised us to..

“...treat women kindly. [The] woman has been created from a rib [which is curved]. The most crooked part of the rib is the uppermost part. If you were to try [to force] it straight you will [certainly] break it and if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So [admonish] women kindly.”
(Bukhari and Muslim)

So when a husband offers advise, or reminds or admonishes his wife, he must take this hadeeth into consideration and exercise his authority in a gentle manner in order to bring about the desired result.

A wife is an Advisor

The nature of marriage is one of a continuous growing relationships!